and in between, I read

In between the cooking and the calming, the caring and the crabbing, I read. Women authors, mostly. Fiction almost entirely.
Right now, I’m reading Louise Erdrich‘s Four Souls. She writes with the cadence and imagery of her Native American people. I’ve read just about everything she’s written because she transports me into the hearts and minds of individuals who wind up inhabiting my thoughts long, long after I’ve closed the covers. She’s the widow of another Native American author, Michael Dorris, who committed suicide. I’ve not read any of his stuff.
Lately I’ve taken to browsing the “new fiction” section at my public library. The book I found there and read before Eldrich’s is The Problem with Murmur Lee by Connie Mae Fowler. I recommended it to a friend but she said that she just couldn’t get into it. Thought it was too fragmented. I, however, loved it — wonderfully quirky over-the edge characters and a equally quirky story line that kept me curious, even after I learned what Murmur Lee’s “problem” was.
But the best new book of all that I’ve read lately is Queen of Dreams by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni. It’s a story about mother and daughter difficulties, about cultural identity, about the burdens of “gifts” others don’t understand, about healing family rifts. It’s a story that spirals up so that it ends where it begins except at another place. I will have to read more of this Indian writer.
In between the searching and swearing, the sighing and sleeping, I read. And read. And read.

some things get better; some things get worse

The good news is that I have something interesting to which to look forward. In May, the New York State members of the Hugh O’Brien Youth Leadership organization will be meeting for a conferece at the Legislative Office Building in Albany, and I’ve been asked to be on a panel about blogging. I don’t have the details yet, but I expect it will focus on blogging ethics, connections to traditional journalism, whether it all needs legislative regulations to keep it civilized.

So, if any of my readers have any suggestions for online statements/opinions about any of those kinds of things, please leave me a link. I know of a few myself, including Rebecca Blood’s essay, Chris Nolan’s recent description of “stand-alone journalism” that I found via b!X’s Portland Communique, and also b!X’s Communique link-handy page about weblog ethics and elements of journalism.

PLEASE NOTE (ADDED 08/17): Most of the links above have disappeared, but here is a current link tot he history of blogging. https://blogging.com/history
I’d also like to hear from “personal” (in contrast to political) bloggers, like me, regarding how they feel about government-imposed regulations on blogging. Please pass my request for comments around; I would love to be able to cite other “personal” bloggers’ opinions, not just my own.

And then, on the other front….

It’s 3 am and, again, the phone is ringing. This time it’s her pearls. You move the filing cabinet with all of her valuables into her bedroom so they are next to her all night. Then the robbers can’t sneak in when she’s sleeping and keep taking her things. This morning you find her cash-filled wallet in the bottom of the pillowcase of the bottom-most pillow on the made-up extra bed. It’s been missing for several days, but she didn’t put it there, she says.

And now back to an aspect of the panel discussion: is this the kind of thing that one should “ethically” be posting about. Is it an invasion of her privacy?

I would very much like to know what you think. What kind of guidelines have you imposed on yourself when it comes to what you post about and what you don’t?

Leave comments, please!!
VERY IMPORTANT ADDENDUM:
What I should have stressed is that this is a panel at a YOUTH LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE, so these are all high school kids we will be addressing. Some might already be blogging. I should have phrased my post to relate specifically to what adult bloggers would want high school potential bloggers to know. My fault for not being clear enough. Afterward, each panelist will have about an hour with a group of kids who are interested in the panelist’s “area of expertise.” I suspect the panel topic will be closer to “what can you do in your own life to take leadership and prepare yourself for leadership.” Or maybe “searching for and sharing the truth.” Or maybe not. I don’t have the specifics yet. I probably jumped the gun in asking for input. But I think I was wrong in assuming that the whole panel will be about blogging. I am the blogging person — that’s why I was looking for input. Sorry if, in my getting the cart before the horse, I indicated that the whole panel was about blogging.
This is a really good example how one should make sure she has all the facts before she blogs. Bad, bad Kalilily.
I said it better over here at BlogSisters because I took the time to think it through.
Kalilily Time is sometimes time out of whack.

the living ends

nanlex.jpg
These are the living ends of my lineage.
My mom had a great time visiting her one and only great grandchild. He’ll be three in July, and he just loves to talk and demonstrate all of his trucks. He also learned several words in Polish, which delights me mother to no end.
Spending four hours driving, the trip back home straight into the setting sun, pretty much wiped me out.
“Staroszcz nie radoszcz,” my grandmother used to say. My grandson can’t say that yet and has no need to. What he loves to say is “Na Zdrowie!” and clink glasses with you. He makes us laugh — the best therapy of all.

Heading out.

Taking my mom to visit with my grandson for the day. It’s almost a two hour drive each way, but I’ll turn on the NPR station that is the same here and there and become better informed. And I figure that my mom might as well enjoy her great grandson while she still can.
We’re off. I’m looking foward to the giggles.

all play and no work…

Of the four members of my band of women who got together for a shared-preparation brunch last Sunday, two are retired and two are still working. The other (newly) retired one, who still works one day a week and is an excellent quilter, talked about now feeling something is missing in her life. Part of it is a chance to be among people, but the other part has something to do with needing to feel that she’s contributing something to society.
One of the group wasn’t there. She’s also retired and has been in Virginia for the past four months golfing, dancing, socializing, reading, and relaxing. When she’s back home, she pretty much does the same thing.
Maybe the rest of us are jealous of her affluence and freedom, but we all seem to feel that we couldn’t live a life that was all just play. I have heard her say that she’s playing now because she can, and who knows how long fate and aging will let her do that.
As much as I complain about caregiving, it does give my life purpose, meaningful work (if you can call looking for a “lost” wallet — again — in the middle of the night “meaningful”; what the hell happened to the beeper that I put in it??!!)
When my mom is gone, I’m sure it will take a while to adjust to having all that free time. Will I need to find something meaningful to do?
Is visiting my friend when she goes to Virginia, visiting my counsins in Florida, and visiting and playing with my grandson meaningful?? Heh. Do you think I’ll care??

Can’t Stop the Clock

I got up late this morning because I was up late last night checking in on some of my blogging colleagues. Through Ronni’s Time Goes By, I discovered Old Horsetail Snake
From Time Goes By:
A newish addition to the Older Bloggers list is Old Horsetail Snake – 74-year-old Gene Maudlin by name – who blogs from Salem, Oregon about – well, let him tell it:
“I live in what is called, formally, an Assisted Living Community Center. That’s a euphemism for old folks’ home. There are about 60 of us, of varying ages, condition and intent (some came to live, some came to die). Our ages range from 67 to 102. The 102 is in better shape than the 67.
“‘So it goes,'” as Kurt Vonnegut said, often, in Breakfast of Champions. So, this is our story, one comic or tragi-comic piece at a time. And, for the record, some of these stories are true!”

I’ve always thought that weblogging would be a great hobby for older people who are confined for one reason or another. Old Horsetail Snake is a great example of how to keep yourself sane through blogging. And humor.
Ronni also mentions an innovative new service that could be a boon to older people (and others as well.)
Daylo is a new portal website that connects people who need a particular service to people in their neighborhood who can provide that service.
As Ronni explains:
Here’s how it works: You need some assistance, like Millie, packing for a trip. Or you need a lamp switch fixed or some IKEA furniture assembled. Maybe your computer is acting up and you haven’t a clue what’s wrong. If your knee has you laid up for a few days, you could use a dog walker, someone to do the grocery shopping, yardwork or even cooking. This is about hard-to-find help that isn’t listed in the Yellow Pages.
What a great idea!!! Hmm. I have an IKEA-type piece that’s sitting in the corner waiting for me to have the time to put it together. Actually, I can still do those kinds of things. I recently put together the neatest little butcher-block top kitchen workstation that has a place to hid your trash can. Well, it took me a while, and my mother kept coming over periodically to see what I was ranting about.
Mom gets her cataracts measured today in preparation for cataract surgery on one eye. One eye at a time. Maybe seeing more clearly will help her see more clearly. You think??

how to get ahead in Bush’s regime

Can’t pass up sharing this great overview, which I’m stealing from Yule Heibel, who got it from the Toronto Star (to which you need a subscription to get to the article).
Succeeding in the Bush White House
Analysis: Dishing up wonky intelligence, low-balling troop losses and being a `kiss-up, kick-down’ bully are all good ways to get ahead
TIM HARPER
WASHINGTON BUREAU
One will always live in infamy for gravely misjudging the cost of the Iraq war and the reception accorded U.S. troops, publicly underestimating the American death toll and blaming scared journalists for not reporting the war’s good news.
The second sat behind Colin Powell in the U.N. Security Council, nodding solemnly and sagely as Washington provided a dossier of inaccurate, fanciful intelligence to justify the Iraq war.
The third was described last week as a “serial abuser” — a bully who berates and intimidates subordinates and a U.S. unilateralist who once declared that no one would notice if the top 10 floors of the United Nations secretariat disappeared.
In the private sector, Paul Wolfowitz, John Negroponte and John Bolton may have been shown the door for their transgressions.
In George W. Bush’s world, they all received promotions, joining others who have been honoured, lauded and handed plums after dishing up faulty pre-war intelligence or mismanaging the Iraqi occupation.
Wolfowitz, the deputy defence secretary who said Americans would be greeted in Iraq as liberators, takes over as president of the World Bank on June 1.
Negroponte, Bush’s envoy to the U.N. in the run-up to the war, is headed to easy confirmation as the country’s first national intelligence director.
Undersecretary of State Bolton — a caustic purveyor of American muscularity who has emerged as the most controversial of all the president’s men (and women) — looks as if he will be confirmed in days as the next U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.
They join a long line.
Condoleezza Rice, who sounded some of the most apocalyptic pronouncements on Saddam Hussein’s imminent threat to Americans, is the secretary of state.
Alberto Gonzales, complicit in a memo that was interpreted as a green light for prison torture, is now the attorney-general.
Former CIA director George Tenet, who was famously quoted as telling Bush the case for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq was a “slam dunk,” was given the Presidential Medal of Freedom, as was Paul Bremer, the U.S. administrator in Iraq whose first moves were blamed for helping fuel an insurgency that has cost more than 1,500 American lives.
Defence chief Donald Rumsfeld was the most senior of Bush’s cabinet secretaries to retain his job in the second term. And the most powerful hawk of them all, Vice-President Dick Cheney, is wielding behind-the-scenes power as never before.
At a series of Senate confirmation hearings since January, Democrats have huffed and puffed, accusing Bush’s nominees of everything from lying to outright incompetence. But each of the president’s choices has so far been confirmed.
The Iraq war may not be a resounding success, but those behind it have found it a fabulous road to career advancement.
It appears the easiest route to success in the Bush White House was to be at the centre of a war that was waged under false pretences, then mismanaged from the day Saddam’s statue was toppled two years ago.
“That’s a fair assessment,” says Allan Lichtman, a political analyst at Washington’s American University. “But it’s not so much that you get promoted for messing up the war … you get promoted if you stay with the program.
“You certainly don’t get rewarded in this administration for being a voice of dissent.”
The U.S. confirmation process is the closest the American system has to a parliamentary Question Period, but like the latter, it is more theatre than substance.
The theatre was never more vivid than during last week’s Senate hearings on Bolton — a tenacious, abrasive, hard-line hawk and prominent proponent of the “weapons of mass destruction will be found” school.
Bolton sat implacably through the playing of a 1994 speech in which he infamously said there “was no United Nations” and no one would notice if the top floors of the U.N. building in New York vanished.
Rather than a U.N., he said, “there is an international community that occasionally can be led by the only real power left in the world — that’s the United States — when it suits our interests and when we can get others to go along.”
California Democrat Barbara Boxer said Bolton had shown nothing but disdain for the institution to which he will now be posted and the ranking Democrat on the committee, Joe Biden of Delaware, added: “I’m surprised that the nominee wants the job that he’s been nominated for, given … the many negative things he had to say about the U.N.”
Bolton’s character has also been called into question.
He has been described as a “kiss-up, kick-down” guy who berated underlings and sought to have them fired because they did not provide the intelligence he wanted on Fidel Castro’s germ warfare capability in 2002.
Carl Ford, a former assistant secretary of state who was caught in the middle of the spat between Bolton and two analysts, said Bolton had “gone ballistic” over his underlings’ refusal to provide what he wanted.
“I left a meeting with the impression that, for the first time, I was being asked to fire an intelligence analyst for what he may have said or done,” said Ford, who has been with the government for 30 years and describes himself as a loyal Republican.
He said Bolton seemed incredulous that someone would challenge him, particularly someone so low in rank.
Conservatives have accused Democrats of character assassination.
“As the U.S. ambassador to the U.N., John Bolton will speak truth to power,” said Howard Kaloogian, co-chair of the conservative Move America Forward.
“So far, we’ve seen nothing but inexcusable grandstanding from those still bitter that their party lost in the last presidential election, and they keep clamouring for a different foreign policy than was endorsed by the American people.”
Otto Reich, another assistant secretary of state who worked alongside Bolton, defended him in an op-ed piece in Thursday’s Wall Street Journal, saying:
“Bolton deserves to be confirmed, but regardless of the outcome of the hearings, he has provided another valuable service — he has revealed Senate hearings to be the weapon of choice of vicious and anonymous staffers and their narcissist bosses to engage in character assassination and ideological vendettas.”
Wolfowitz was perhaps Bush’s most surprising choice, but he won global approval after initial European reticence.
No one questions Wolfowitz’s intellect — but he, like Bolton, is a proponent of the muscular American approach on the world stage.
“It makes you wonder whether all the administration’s words about mending fences with our allies are just lip service,” said Massachusetts Senator John Kerry. “After deputy secretary Wolfowitz’s repeated and serious miscalculations about the costs and risks America would face in Iraq, I don’t believe he is the right person to lead the World Bank.”
Negroponte has the most impressive resumé and his nomination has been sent to the Senate floor for an expected easy confirmation.
But for more than 20 years, he has been dogged by accusations that he looked the other way as ambassador to Honduras while death squads and human rights violations were rampant in that country.
And he had to admit last week that he was as surprised as anyone that those Iraqi weapons of mass destruction, which represented such a grave threat in his 2003 pronouncements at the U.N., had never been found.
Of course, much of the evidence Negroponte took to his U.N. colleagues had been delivered to the CIA by an Iraqi defector nicknamed “Curveball,” subsequently revealed as a well-known “fabricator” with a drinking problem who was often obviously hung-over in meetings with U.S. intelligence agents.

pomegranate is my word for today

As I was driving around doing some quick errands the other day, I realized that I didn’t bring my bottle of water with me in the car, and I was getting thirsty. So I figured I’d stop and pick up some fruit for me and my mother and get something to drink while I was at the market. As I happened by the juice aisle, I noticed a bottle of pomegranate juice — ah, just what I need: something tart, thirst quenching and uniquely healthy. It was expensive, but I bought it anyway. Before I got back in the car, I took a big swig, put the cap back on the bottle, and put the bottle on the floor on the passenger side. Yup. As I turned a corner, the bottle tipped over. That’s OK, I thought, the bottle is capped. Nope. Pomegranate juice all over the mat and seeping underneath. Ever try to rinse out a filthy car mat soaked in sticky juice? It’s a frustratingly impossible job.
Sort of like caregiving. Especially when your phone rings at 1 am and she says she can’t sleep because she can’t find her white beaded purse. You say you’re sleeping and will look for it tomorrow. And then your phone rings again at 2 am. Come over here and sleep here she says. You know she’s afraid someone keeps coming in and taking her stuff. It’s either that or you’re taking it, she figures. There’s perfect denial on her part that it might be that she keeps forgetting where she put things. So you go and sleep in the bed next to hers, even though she keeps rambling on about who knows what until 3 am or until you fall asleep (whichever came first).
Pomegranates are full of seeds and also full of myths and religious connections.
spammers who use their free weblogs to create home bases? I emailed Blogger about the abuse of their service but haven’t heard back. Now that big Google owns what was little Blogger, I guess the personal service that Ev used to provide is not at option.
Bleh. I need a stiff drink. Except it’s still morning.
That’s what pomegranate juice is for.

Morning Pages

Several years ago, one of my woman friends and I both read The Artist’s Way, which suggests that you sit down every morning and write, long-hand, for half-an-hour,your Morning Pages. I never was able to do that. But typing is different. I can type in ten minutes what it would take me a half hour to write. (Of course, the linking takes time; but what’s a blog without links?)
So, this morning I sit here in my nighshirt (I don’t like pjs), reflecting.
My mom likes to watch the sunset (some obvious symbolism there, huh?), so after dinner yesterday I took her outside and we sat on a bench near our building that faces west. We sat, quietly, each lost in our own thoughts.
Her feet and legs hurt when she walks. She can’t find shoes that look good (she’s still vain) and are still comfortable. She pretty much wears old shoes of mine that are stretched out and softened by wear.
I have a lot of shoes. That’s the answer to what women want, right?
I also have a drawer full of make-up. And a cabinet full of hair styling products. I’ve got to tackle both in the next few weeks and try to get rid of what I don’t use. The probem is, of course, just like with my clothes, I start figuring that I might wish I had them after I throw them out. Then I remind myself — hey! You’re going to be living in the woods. You won’t even have to bother getting dressed at all if you don’t want to.
I dread moving on to attack my mother’s 89 years of accumulated STUFF — in boxes in the back of the closet, filling dressers and bureaus and table tops. I’m determined to downsize my own belongings so that my daughter never has to go through this kind of purging for me.
But downsizing is really hard to tackle — most of all, of course, if it’s your weight.
Today I’m getting together with my band of women friends for brunch. We all bring something. I’m bringing dessert — a strawberry apple pie.
I like to cook. I just don’t like to clean. Or clean out.
Time to get dressed. And also compose the note that I always have to leave for my mother when I go out: where I am going to be, the phone number there, my own cell phone number, and the time I’ll be back. She seems OK if she has that kind of information handy in writing. Otherwise, she forgets. And then she panics.
It will be easier when we move next door to my brother. I hope.