Like Lazarus, this personal blog periodically comes back to life. This time in the midst of major world crises — war and death, planetary destruction, political insanity.
I am feeling lost in the middle of all of this — tired, unconnected, useless. The tiredness is overwhelming. Nothing inspires me. So I sit down to write to try to tap into that place deep within me where there must still be signs of life. It takes an effort just to do that much.
I continue to struggle with the inability to fall asleep. A combination of Abilify and Melatonin seems to have begun working. Time will tell. The Abilify was prescribed (added to my depressive meds) because last year I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2, which means, while I don’t get manic, I do have periods of significant mood swings that affect my life.
But I am still tired during the day, and nothing seems to pique my interest — no crafts, no projects… I only occasionally leave the house. It doesn’t help that the magnificent maple tree outside my window is intently shedding dry brown leaves instead of turning its usual Autumn color palette. The brittle leaves are piling up in inches-thick mounds.
Notice that none of my neighbors have leaves in their yards. It must annoy them to have the breezes send some of ours onto their well-manicured lawns. My son-in-law usually mows the fallen leaves into mulch as the season progresses, but this pile-up is overwhelming. When he has time, he will figure out what to do with them.
I have plenty of time, but I can’t seem to figure out what I want to do. I check the calendar my senior center and circle programs to consider. But all I do is consider.
The one thing that keeps me going is my relationship with the man to whom Match.com accidentally sent me, even though I canceled my subscription years ago. The same age as I am, and a fellow Pisces, he amazes me with his perseverance and positive attitude. We both struggle with health issues (I had my right knee replaced last June), and we live an hour’s drive apart. So getting together can be a challenge, but we manage. And having lunch every other Friday with him and his sister is also an incentive.
I saw something on the senior center page that I am considering. They are looking for town residents to help “build an age-friendly community….help shape the future of an Age and Dementia Friendly East Longmeadow”. Well, I sure know about age and dementia, and I sure would like to become part of some community.
Meanwhile, the poor Palistinian people are being annihilated. Where is there justice in all of this? Gaza is about the size of Philadelphia; Israel in a little smaller than Massachusetts, but has a strong military. Although Israel is fighting Hamas, it is killing ordinary Palistinians who have nothing to do with Hamas. Looks like David and Goliath, and Goliath is going to win. Why isn’t neighboring Egypt offering to take Palistinian refugees, who are caught in a cage with no way out? Gaza and the innocent people in it are fodder. And America is backing Goliath. At least, why aren’t we working with Egypt to rescue the women and children of Gaza?