Turn on your speakers. Get ready for your toes to curl.
I dedicate this post to Michaela, Pam, Joan, Susan, and Penny.
She’s my idol.
Bigger than life.
A survivor.
My kinda woman.
Storm Large
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just thinking
Got an email today– you know, the kind lthat’s forwarded with an attachment that you have to open four or five other forwarded emails to get to — the kind that includes the email addresses of everyone on the list of recipients for each of those four or five forwarded emails. If I have to open more than one email to get to an attachment, I usually just delete it all and never bother reading what has been so eagerly forwarded by some friend.
Why don’t people forward the very first permutation of the original email (eliminating the need to open and open and open) and, before they do that, why don’t they delete the addresses of the original recipients. As it goes now, what a great way to collect email addresses to spam!
Having said all of that, nevertheless I did the open, open, open, open thing and finally got to this, which I actually think is worth sharing (in case you haven’t seen it elsewhere):
THINKING
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at cocktail parties. Now and then — just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone — “to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What exactly is it that we are doing here?”
One day the boss called me in to his office. He said, “Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find employment elsewhere.” This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking …” “I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!” “But honey, surely it’s not that serious.”
“It is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!” “That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. “I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors… They didn’t open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “*Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?”* it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a Recovering Thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed…easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I believe the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at cocktail parties. Now and then — just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone — “to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother’s. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix, but I couldn’t stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What exactly is it that we are doing here?”
One day the boss called me in to his office. He said, “Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find employment elsewhere.” This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking …” “I know you’ve been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!” “But honey, surely it’s not that serious.”
“It is serious,” she said, lower lip aquiver. “You think as much as college professors, and college professors don’t make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!” “That’s a faulty syllogism,” I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. “I’m going to the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors… They didn’t open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. “*Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?”* it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a Recovering Thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed…easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I believe the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.
the ten-minute respite
Somehow, somewhere in the middle of the afternoon, I found myself without my mother at my side. She had wandered over to my brother’s space, and he was showing her his computer set-up — not that she understood any of it, but it was a distraction for her.
For ten minutes, I was able to sit, drink a glass of iced tea, munch on a tomato sandwich, and read.
What I began reading is a novel recommended by my Ex. (He still has the best eye when it comes to picking out what I would enjoy reading.)
For ten minutes, I read Adriana Trigiani’s Milk Glass Moon. I was entranced by the rhythm and cadence of her writing. When my mother returned at the end of those ten minutes, I found myself thinking my thoughts in Trigiani’s style, it was that compelling to me.
I hated to have to put the book down; yet I was glad at the same time because I didn’t want to finish it too quickly. I have a habit, when I start reading a novel I really like, of sitting down and not stopping until I’ve read to the last page. And then it’s over too soon.
Of course, I really don’t have the luxury of doing that kind of marathon read these days anyway.
Toward evening, it seemed as though my mother’s old “shingles” site was bothering her. Five years ago or so, she had a severe bout of shingles on her forehead and around one eye that could have blinded her in that eye. For years after that I made sure she took L-Lysine, which kept the residual effects of the shingles under control. I forgot all about giving it to her since we moved her a year ago. My bad.
She’s back on it as of tonight.
And now maybe I take another read/respite. More than ten minutes this time. I just hope that I don’t wind up staying up all night reading. Can’t deal with her tomorrow if I get no sleep tonight.
no rest for the wicked
My favorite tv shows are back for a new season. I can’t watch them while I’m sitting with my mother in the evenings because she gets upset by anything that looks like blood or a hospital or dead bodies. So I have to tape them and stay up late to watch them.
On Nip/Tuck (which repeats at midnight and so I can watch it then) last night, Brooke Shields took on a dark and serious role as a therapist, and she pulled it off quite nicely. It took me a few minutes to finally recognize that it was Shields. I think her character is supposed to get even darker as the series progresses. Nice challenge for someone who has always been considered a lightweight in the acting department.
And then there’s House and Bones, and Lost will be starting up again soon. b!X is a Lost addict as well, even more than I am.
And, of course, there’s the bizarre Desperate Housewives. I started watching Three Moons Over Milford. I really miss Kyle XY, which won’t be back until next summer. Yup, I’m a tv addict.
But I never just sit and watch tv. I’m also always knitting or crocheting or fixing clothes — both mine and my mom’s (she’s shrinking fast).
We have an electric eye set up to beep both my sib and me when my mom gets out of bed. When I went over to her room this morning to check her out, she was standing in the middle of the room in bare feet, clutching the bottom of her nightgown. She looked at me and said, “I forgot how to get up.” I think what she meant is that she forgot how to get dressed. This is what is happening more and more. The forgetting.
In the morning, before I’ve had to deal with her all day, I can be very nurturing. I hug her, do a few dance steps to songs I make up on the spot (this always makes her smile and makes her forget what she was upset about forgetting), and coax her along on starting her day. My personal day ends when hers begins and vice versa. Her needs and her fears are all consuming, and when she “sundowns” about seven each evening, I don’t have much left to give her, and my sib usually has to take over for an hour or so while I take care of myself. He gets up at night with her; I take the day. We’re both pretty stressed out with the whole thing.
I’ve always wondered whether the saying was “no rest for the wicked” or “no rest for the weary.” Now I know.
If it’s Tuesday, it’s Harper’s.
From Harper’s Weekly Review:
Worth repeated highlighting:
The Pentagon announced that civilian casualties in Iraq had increased recently by more than fifty percent, and death squads were said to be torturing and killing as many as 1,800 people per month.[New York Times] At least 200 Iraqis were killed in bombings, rocket attacks, and shootings, as were 19 American and British soldiers.
U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld quoted Georges Clemenceau, who said, “War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory.”[Washington Post]
SAT scores in the United States showed the largest decline in 31 years.
U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld quoted Georges Clemenceau, who said, “War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory.”[Washington Post]
SAT scores in the United States showed the largest decline in 31 years.
The following seem to be all connected to the actions of men, although Harper’s didn’t relate them in that way.
Warren Steed Jeffs, who reportedly has 80 wives and 250 children and serves as the leader of a polygamist Mormon sect, was arrested in Nevada on suspicion of arranging marriages between underage girls and older men. [AP via New York Times]
Researchers warned that countries with unnaturally high male-to-female population ratios, such as China and India, could foster violence, organized crime, and terrorism.
In a courtroom in Duluth, Minnesota, a cocaine trafficker ate his own feces;[Duluth News Tribune] a vigilante mob in North Carolina beat and killed the wrong man;[AP via CNN]
in Russia a participant in a sex-doll river-rafting race was disqualified for sexually abusing his rafting apparatus. “I think,” said the man’s friend, “it was an expression of his great desire to win.”[MOSNEWS.COM]
In the Indian state of Bihar, high-caste landowners were raping and gouging out the eyes of low-caste residents.[India eNews]
Researchers warned that countries with unnaturally high male-to-female population ratios, such as China and India, could foster violence, organized crime, and terrorism.
In a courtroom in Duluth, Minnesota, a cocaine trafficker ate his own feces;[Duluth News Tribune] a vigilante mob in North Carolina beat and killed the wrong man;[AP via CNN]
in Russia a participant in a sex-doll river-rafting race was disqualified for sexually abusing his rafting apparatus. “I think,” said the man’s friend, “it was an expression of his great desire to win.”[MOSNEWS.COM]
In the Indian state of Bihar, high-caste landowners were raping and gouging out the eyes of low-caste residents.[India eNews]
And these seem related to the ways of women:
Miss England, an Uzbek-born Muslim, declared that stereotyping leads to terror.
It was reported that the average British woman spends two and a half years on her hair during her lifetime.[Daily Mail]
A British professor announced that five-year-old girls were worried about their weight,[AFP via Breitbart]
A study revealed that the brains of nuns “flicker” in the presence of God.
A woman in Hohhot, China, crashed her car into another vehicle while allowing her dog to drive.
It was reported that the average British woman spends two and a half years on her hair during her lifetime.[Daily Mail]
A British professor announced that five-year-old girls were worried about their weight,[AFP via Breitbart]
A study revealed that the brains of nuns “flicker” in the presence of God.
A woman in Hohhot, China, crashed her car into another vehicle while allowing her dog to drive.
I can’t help comparing the unique newsworthy things that men do with the unique newsworthy things that women do. Which only makes me even more convinced that if there were a way to keep testosterone at a reasonable level in the males of our species, there would be less violence committed by males against those less aggressive and/or strong.
I don’t see much newsworthy violence being perpetrated by women.
the brown booties
A photo from the 1920s of my mother (a pre-teen) and her two younger sisters when they came back from living in Poland for several years shows them dressed alike — right down to their scuffed high-top laced-up shoes.
My mother insists on wearing a pair of brown leather “booties,” which she guards with her life, convinced that someone is going to steal them from her. She has always told the story of how, while living in her grandmother’s thatched-roof farmhouse is Poland (along with her four siblings and their own mother), someone somehow got into the house one night and stole all of their clothes, even their shoes. Although I had never been sure that this story was true, it was verified by our 81 year old cousin who visited a few weeks ago.
My mother has become overwhelmingly paranoid that someone is going to steal her clothes, especially her shoes. Every evening she manages to hide her shoes somewhere else. Of course, when she gets up the next day, she doesn’t remember hiding them and believes someone has stolen them. She does this with her eyeglasses and her purses, too. It annoys me that I have to spend so much of my time looking for the things she believes were stolen. The fact that we always find those objects hidden somewhere in her room is irrelevant to her.
I’m annoyed a lot lately. But then I go over and read By Bea’s Bedside, where Alexandra muses about her bedridden mother for whom she is caregiver. They have such a different relationship than we have here. They obviously always have been close and communicative. Not so here. Alexandra’s attitude toward taking care of her mother is so much different from mine; Bea’s daughter never sounds annoyed.
I should be grateful that my mother is not bedridden (although when I have to spend an hour looking for her brown booties while she follows me around complaining about “those people, I often wish she were). And I don’t have to change diapers. Not yet, anyway.
My mother has never been much of a reader or a thinker or a doer (of anything but housework). She was not much of a television watcher either. So now, there is absolutely nothing that she is interested in doing except move things around in her closets and drawers.
Her attention span in front of the television is about 15 minutes, and she prefers programs from the earlier days of television — ones with no shooting and no car crashes and no expletives. So yesterday, I ordered a used set of seven VHS tapes of the Loretta Young Show from the late 50s. She always liked Loretta Young, and maybe those stories from more calm and secure times will hold her attention.
There was an item on the local news station the other day about a computer program that’s supposed to help older people revitalize their brains. The more I read about it, I realized it was much too complicated for my mom. I started searching for some pre-school DVD memory games, and they’re much more suitable for where she’s at these days.
I just wish I could find something that would interest her and get her mind off those damned brown booties.
head: north
No, that’s not traveling instructions.
For months I was having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep. I didn’t want to take prescription sleeping pills in case I had to get up in the middle of the night if my mother needed my help.
Listening to novels I downloaded to my MP3 player from my library helped me to fall asleep, although still not fast enough. I tried Melatonin and also Valium. I tried listening to calming music and slowing down my breathing. Sometimes it all worked, but more often it didn’t.
Oh, I know there are all kinds of other tricks to promoting sleepiness, some of which, like warm relaxing baths, I don’t have time for since my mother goes to bed so late, and I have a shower and no bath tub anyway.
One night a couple of weeks ago, after tossing and turning, watching the clock as it moved slowly from hour to hour, in frustration I threw my pillow to the foot of the bed and slept feet-to-the-headboard. I slept great for the rest of the night.
I kept sleeping that way from then on, and my nights have become much more restful.
With my head at the foot of the bed, the top of my head points to the North. HUH? you might think? SO?
When I Googled “sleep with head north” I got a bunch of similar explanations, the following of which is the most clearly spelled out:
Sleep with Your Head Facing North
And, obviously — unless you have a particularly unusual body — your feet facing south. This aligns your body with the magnetic field of the planet, bringing your own energies into harmony with those of the Earth. Sound like a pretty bizarre theory? Try it. You’ll see what a difference it makes.
And, obviously — unless you have a particularly unusual body — your feet facing south. This aligns your body with the magnetic field of the planet, bringing your own energies into harmony with those of the Earth. Sound like a pretty bizarre theory? Try it. You’ll see what a difference it makes.
On the other hand, an ancient Navajo taboo supposedly warns:
North is the direction of evil and dead people lie that way..
Of course, it doesn’t help my insomnia that I tend to rev up my brain by blogging late at night.
The way my small space is set up, I can’t reverse my bed; so I will continue sleeping upside down.
If you have trouble sleeping and you try pointing your head to the North, let me know if it works for you. Hey, it’s cheaper than sleeping pills.
fire and ice
Fire and Ice
….Robert Frost
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
….Robert Frost
Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I’ve tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
A “Last Days on Earth” special on ABC’s 20/20 tonight pretty much mirrored the bases of Frost’s metaphor. As a matter of fact, if natural forces are behind our ruination, they will probably start with fire and end with ice. If we are going to be the agents of our own destruction, we have a few additional choices, including plague.
That’s the Big Picture.
On Countdown tonight, Keith Obermann eloquently confronted the current agents of destruction in our national picture. You can hear him and/or read his courageous and moving delivery at Crooks and Liars.
As theonetruebix posted not too long ago:
If the problem, for the terrorists, is our freedom, why is America’s response to stop using it?.
Continue reading
Another Harper’s Tuesday
Just what you’ve been waiting for the bits of news no one hears on the news. Check out Harper’s Weekly for off-beat snapshots the whole big war picture. But, meanwhile, here are some snips from other world views:
[Washington Post] F.D.A. representative Dr. Janet Woodcock said that selling the Plan B contraceptive over the counter would transform it into an “urban legend” that would tempt adolescents to create “sex-based cults.”
[Washington Post] The International Rescue Committee announced that more than 200 women were sexually assaulted in refugee camps last month in Darfur.
[Reuters] In Kenya, U.S. Senator Barack Obama agreed to be tested for HIV,
ABC News] President Bush cautioned against placing too much importance on the upcoming one-year anniversary of the Hurricane Katrina disaster.[San Jose Mercury News]
Advanced Cell Technology, an American biotech company, successfully created embryonic stem cells without destroying embryos.[Financial Times]
The mayor of Hazleton, Pennsylvania, announced his intention to make his city the “toughest place on illegal immigrants in America.” [Washington Post]
Australian scientists announced plans to issue oral contraceptives to kangaroos.[BBC] Existing home sales hit a two-year low,[Forbes]
Microsoft filed suit against two “typosquatter” companies under the Anticybersquatting Consumer Protection Act, which prevents companies from exploiting suggestively similar domain names.[The Register]
Venezuelan customs officials confiscated twenty U.S. diplomatic mail bags containing airplane ejector seats, explosive charges, and 180 pounds of chicken.[New York Times]
Chinese law enforcement officials cracked down on striptease performances at funerals in Jiangsu province, arresting five and setting up a hotline where people could report “funeral misdeeds.”[Reuters via Yahoo News]
In Diss, England, Gwen Dorling, 102, enjoyed the services of a stripper for her birthday,[BBC] and Edward Rondthaler, 100, of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, attributed his longevity to cold showers.[CNN]
“Super-sized” yellowjacket nests were infesting southern states,[Montgomery Adviser]
In Coushatta, Louisiana, nine black students were sent to the back of a school bus to make room for white children.[The Shrevport Times via Drudge Report]
In Sorrento, Florida, a sixty-year-old man was accused of biting a six-year-old boy’s genitals after the child refused to stop touching himself,[Local6.com] and an English woman capable of climaxing forty times per day was convicted of benefit fraud.[The Times of London]
Young people were loitering in the nude in parking lots in Brattleboro, Vermont.[Boston.com]
[Washington Post] The International Rescue Committee announced that more than 200 women were sexually assaulted in refugee camps last month in Darfur.
[Reuters] In Kenya, U.S. Senator Barack Obama agreed to be tested for HIV,
ABC News] President Bush cautioned against placing too much importance on the upcoming one-year anniversary of the Hurricane Katrina disaster.[San Jose Mercury News]
Advanced Cell Technology, an American biotech company, successfully created embryonic stem cells without destroying embryos.[Financial Times]
The mayor of Hazleton, Pennsylvania, announced his intention to make his city the “toughest place on illegal immigrants in America.” [Washington Post]
Australian scientists announced plans to issue oral contraceptives to kangaroos.[BBC] Existing home sales hit a two-year low,[Forbes]
Microsoft filed suit against two “typosquatter” companies under the Anticybersquatting Consumer Protection Act, which prevents companies from exploiting suggestively similar domain names.[The Register]
Venezuelan customs officials confiscated twenty U.S. diplomatic mail bags containing airplane ejector seats, explosive charges, and 180 pounds of chicken.[New York Times]
Chinese law enforcement officials cracked down on striptease performances at funerals in Jiangsu province, arresting five and setting up a hotline where people could report “funeral misdeeds.”[Reuters via Yahoo News]
In Diss, England, Gwen Dorling, 102, enjoyed the services of a stripper for her birthday,[BBC] and Edward Rondthaler, 100, of Croton-on-Hudson, New York, attributed his longevity to cold showers.[CNN]
“Super-sized” yellowjacket nests were infesting southern states,[Montgomery Adviser]
In Coushatta, Louisiana, nine black students were sent to the back of a school bus to make room for white children.[The Shrevport Times via Drudge Report]
In Sorrento, Florida, a sixty-year-old man was accused of biting a six-year-old boy’s genitals after the child refused to stop touching himself,[Local6.com] and an English woman capable of climaxing forty times per day was convicted of benefit fraud.[The Times of London]
Young people were loitering in the nude in parking lots in Brattleboro, Vermont.[Boston.com]
Lordy, Lordy. How crazy are we crazy humans going make life on this planet???
But here’s my all time favorite in this week’s Harper’s Weekly:
Katherine Harris, a candidate for the U.S. Senate in Florida, told a Baptist newspaper that “if you’re not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin.”[Washington Post] .
on the radio
What do you know! Bob Dylan’s on the radio. He’s got a regular show on AOL Radio. Check it out here. I didn’t know. But Dean Landsman did, and he sent an email out to the “gwazillion” names he has in his email address book, just in case we might be interested.
I’m posting it here in case you might be interested.
Bob Dylan. On AOL Radio. Who woulda thunk it?
Listen to his new album, Modern Times.