Category Archives: pains of aging

Stuck Between Entropy and Inertia

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Entropy is essentially a measure of disorder or randomness in a system. The fundamental rule of the universe is that things naturally move from being highly organized to being chaotic and spread. Think about your living space. There is only one way for a room to be perfectly neat and organized, but there are thousands of ways for it to become messy. Over time, without you putting in extra energy to clean it, the room naturally falls into a state of messiness or “high entropy”.

Human inertia is the psychological and behavioral tendency to resist change and maintain the current status quo. Just as physical objects resist changes in their motion, individuals often stick with familiar habits, thoughts, and default options because doing so requires significantly less mental effort. the tendency to remain in an inactive or action-oriented state. For example, a person might stay in a stagnant routine simply because the energy required to make a change feels overwhelming.

I sprawl in my recliner, pointlessly gazing out my window, following random clouds skip across the summer sky while an occasional rosey-headed house wren stops by to express disappointment at the empty bird feeder. The sun rays slipping through the gnarled branches of the huge old oak tree in the front yard dapple my eyelids

Inertia dictates my day, and I barely have the energy to put my lunch dishes in the sink. The mail piles up and various sweaters stay draped over various chairs. Walking with the brace on my foot tires me out and makes my lower back hurt. It’s easier to sit.

And so I let entropy take over. My eyes close and the rest of the day disappears.

Is that all there is?

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“Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that’s all there is, my friends, then let’s keep dancing. Let’s break out the booze and have a ball. If that’s all there is”.

Is that all there is for too many of us folks who have made it thus far into our 80th decade? Isolation? Boredom? Loneliness? Disconnect? Physical failures? And with no energy or opportunity to “have a ball”?

While the hours seem to drag on, the weeks seem to go by quickly. There are many hours when I sit in my recliner and let my mind go blank. I think about nothing, feel nothing. I am suspended in time and nothing matters. It is my ultimate respite.

I do perk up when I sit down to watch The View. I record it and and watch it while I eat lunch. The kind of women who animate The View are the kind of women who were a part of my close group of women friends when I lived in Albany (before I retired to take care of my mother who had severe dementia). Politically liberal, irreverent, savvy, and funny, we never ran out of things to talk about or experiences to share.

That is what I miss most. That connection to kindred spirits.

Over the years, I had tried, unsuccessfully to get one one of the local Senior Centers to start a women’s discussion group of some kind, in hopes of meeting new friends. It’s taken a while, but my local Center is planning to start what they are calling a “Gals Gossip Group,” and they are looking for someone to volunteer to facilitate it. I volunteered.

Of course, I probably won’t be able to drive for a while, and I might have to still use the walker, but the Center is only 5 minutes from the house, and my daughter said that she would drive me.

The other kind of discussion group I suggested (but was met with discomfort and rejection) what is called a “Death Cafe”.

At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Our objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’. A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.

The linked video about gives you an idea about why folks want to talk about death.

So, because I am still alive and kicking (well not kicking with the broken ankle), I am waiting for the delivery of a pair of shoes that I hope will accommodate the ankle brace I’m going to have to wear for a while when I get rid of the uncomfortable boot.

Meanwhile, anyone have any idea how I can have a ball? Or is that all there is?

Leaping into Elderhood

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The only podcast to which I listen is “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” on NPR.  It makes me laugh, and I always learn some little known, but intriguing facts.

For example, I just learned that a recent study shows that we do not age slowly; rather we age in leaps.  The first leap is at age 44; the second at 60.  They need to add one more leap and that’s at 80.

When I reached 80, my knees went and I had to have one replaced.  The other is still iffy.  Then my hips and back started aching and now I have an appointment at the pain management office because my lumbar spine is in constant pain. Of course, the “where the hell did I put my phone” syndrome is right on target as well.

Theoretically, the next leap would be at 100.  If I last that long, it will be very short leap to “can someone please adjust my pillows?” and “Please up the morphine.”