Category Archives: women’s groups

Let’s Hear It for the Girls!

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Let’s Hear It for the Girls, Windy Wagner

We got it right, a perfect design
We’re getting stronger all the time
We now what we want, had to break through the lines
Let’s jump into this crazy fun
Come on, come, everyone

Yeah, yeah, let’s hear it for the girls
Yeah, yeah, we’re taking on the world
There is nothing we can’t do
On the scene, make it rock, me and you
Let’s hear it for the girls, girls
Let’s hear it for the girls, girls

We speak our minds, we get what we want
It’s not too late to step to the front
Too much, oh, no, is never enough
Everything I’ve ever sung
Come on, come, everyone

This is a follow up to my previous posts about the important places that my various women’s groups have held in my life, and how I miss the interaction, the laughter, even the confrontations.

One of the women with whom I keep in sporadic touch (one from the group that lasted 25 years and who always kept us laughing) has come up with the idea of hosting a gathering of elder women on Zoom who are interested in building friendships and combating isolation.

So, if you are an elder female — or know of any — who would like to become part of a weekly online gathering of politically liberal, irreverent, savvy, and funny elder women who will never run out of things to talk about or experiences to share, leave a comment or email me. The only requirement is that you are able to get onto Zoom and that you share our values.

Is that all there is?

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“Is that all there is? Is that all there is? If that’s all there is, my friends, then let’s keep dancing. Let’s break out the booze and have a ball. If that’s all there is”.

Is that all there is for too many of us folks who have made it thus far into our 80th decade? Isolation? Boredom? Loneliness? Disconnect? Physical failures? And with no energy or opportunity to “have a ball”?

While the hours seem to drag on, the weeks seem to go by quickly. There are many hours when I sit in my recliner and let my mind go blank. I think about nothing, feel nothing. I am suspended in time and nothing matters. It is my ultimate respite.

I do perk up when I sit down to watch The View. I record it and and watch it while I eat lunch. The kind of women who animate The View are the kind of women who were a part of my close group of women friends when I lived in Albany (before I retired to take care of my mother who had severe dementia). Politically liberal, irreverent, savvy, and funny, we never ran out of things to talk about or experiences to share.

That is what I miss most. That connection to kindred spirits.

Over the years, I had tried, unsuccessfully to get one one of the local Senior Centers to start a women’s discussion group of some kind, in hopes of meeting new friends. It’s taken a while, but my local Center is planning to start what they are calling a “Gals Gossip Group,” and they are looking for someone to volunteer to facilitate it. I volunteered.

Of course, I probably won’t be able to drive for a while, and I might have to still use the walker, but the Center is only 5 minutes from the house, and my daughter said that she would drive me.

The other kind of discussion group I suggested (but was met with discomfort and rejection) what is called a “Death Cafe”.

At a Death Cafe people, often strangers, gather to eat cake, drink tea and discuss death. Our objective is ‘to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives’. A Death Cafe is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session.

The linked video about gives you an idea about why folks want to talk about death.

So, because I am still alive and kicking (well not kicking with the broken ankle), I am waiting for the delivery of a pair of shoes that I hope will accommodate the ankle brace I’m going to have to wear for a while when I get rid of the uncomfortable boot.

Meanwhile, anyone have any idea how I can have a ball? Or is that all there is?

I Miss Having a Tribe

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There is no specific definition for a tribe because each tribe is unique in some way. They generally may be a group of related individuals, but one tribe may have a different purpose or different practices than another.

As a child, my tribe was my extended Polish family. In high school, my tribe was my group of close friends. In college, my tribe was my sorority. In the job I held for more than 20 years, my tribe was comprised of the women in my office. Also, as an adult, I was a part of two socially active tribes: a group of five women kindred spirits, and a larger ballroom dance community.  In each case, creativity was valued and nurtured.

According to Psychology Today, joining a group and finding our “tribe” can improve our happiness and emotional resilience.

1. Belonging to a group and feeling identified with those in that group is an important aspect of our identity and sense of self. In fact, having a strong sense of group identity can actually help buffer us when we feel wronged or attacked…..

2. Our group identity often gives us a sense of common purpose around the pursuit of common goals…..

3. We are not only more likely to get support from people within our “tribe,” but we are likely to experience their support as more valuable and more meaningful. This happens because we believe fellow “tribe members” are more likely to truly “get” how we feel so their support and validation resonates on a deeper level than support offered by those who are not members of our “tribe.”

For various reasons, I have been unable to find my tribe, mostly because: I am not a morning person, I don’t drive at night, I do not subscribe to any specific political party, I am limited physically by the effects of arthritis, and I moved to a town that has limited creative opportunities.

What I really miss is being in the company of women who are kindred spirits.

For a time pre-Covid, when I organized an afternoon writing group of elders, I was able to generate a sense of community for myself. After six years, the pandemic and other circumstances brought an end to that tribe. I do not have the energy to try to start another writing group.

I have tried some activities at the senior center that were not scheduled for the early morning, but I just didn’t “click” with the offerings or the people. I could not get over the feeling of being an outsider.

I fear that it’s just too late in my life to find the wherewithall to create another tribe, and I can’t seem to find an existing one that matches my values, interests, and needs.

Mostly, I really miss being part of a group of female kindred spirits.