feeling looowwdowwwnn

This has not been a good week. In addition to my mother losing fluids all week and becoming enraged when we try to get her to drink Pedialite, and my sib and I totally disagreeing on how to handle her and what to give her to ingest, I couldn’t figure out how to get into the chat room for Mandarin Meg’s memorial yesterday (so I missed the whole thing, and, while I finally got into the BlogHer Conference chat room, I found I had nothing to add to the conversation.
My mother has insisted on constant attention all week. I know that she’s not feeling well, but after putting up with sib’s disagreeing personality while at the same time taking care of my mother’s sanitation needs (which have been constant) I have nothing left to give her — not even the tenderness and compassion that she needs very much. I can’t be both her daughter and her home health aide.
We’re taking her to the doctor’s on Monday to get the results of some lab tests. I’m going to ask him for a referral to a local medicare-approved long term health care agency that provides nurse’s aides and home health care. It’s certainly not going t get any better. If we had been a part of that system already, she probably could have been getting intravenous hydration right here at home. And someone else could have been on call all day to help her into the bathroom and help her clean up. Then I would have had the psychic energy to do the hand holding and quiet talking, and maybe I could have smiled at her instead of frowning all day. I looked in the mirror and, I swear, the frown lines are now there permanently.
I’m hoping for August to bring some new energy into my life. We will be getting a visit from cousins coming by this way from Florida on their way upstate. I’m supposed to meet one of the college buddies (male) for lunch while he’s down this way visiting a buddy of his who has been ill.
I need things to look forward to. I certainly am not looking forward to getting up in the morning.

1 thought on “feeling looowwdowwwnn

  1. I really admire how much you are able to do for your mother. My mom suffered ill health and dementia before her death ten years ago, and the ways in which I failed her still haunt me. The only things I feel that I did adequately involved getting her help from professionals and moving her into a nursing home.
    I hope you can get the help and support you need. You are so right about psychic energy and patience.
    (By the way, I really enjoy your blog–I’ve been following it for a few months now. Thanks for writing!)

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