Changes of Life

It seems to be that, every so often, I find myself looking around at my life and realizing that I’ve arrived at somewhere I really don’t want to be. I guess that I shouldn’t be surprised, since, after all, I tend not to set goals or target destinations for myself. I’ve always just gone where life takes me, and I make the best of where I am until something prompts me to take stock and seek change.
Over the years, I’ve changed jobs, hobbies, social circles, and personal relationships. I’ve changed hair color, hair styles, and living arrangements. But there’s always something that precipitates the change, some disturbance in the field, some lurch of lobe. And then my snake-mind begins the shedding of old skin.
It’s happening now, prompted by a series of emails about blogging launched into my space by bloggers I know and respect. It’s not what they said that’s propelling me toward change. It’s what I found myself saying. (*see below)
I don’t fit here, where I am, right now, in the corner of the blogworld where I wound up, after sailing in on b!X

9 thoughts on “Changes of Life

  1. The thing about feelings is that they pass. This tool, this resource, these conversations, this community – all of that has a tendency to churn up feelings that sometimes are wonderful and sometimes suck bigtime.
    I’ve been experiencing a similar upwelling of discontent with my blogging. Partly I recognize an addictive pattern that is just plain unhealthy for me. Partly I’m disappointed that some really funny or good or pointed or true insights that I’ve shared have been like shouting down a well. I don’t get as many links as I’d like. Drat. I don’t get as many comments as I’d like. Darn. Nobody emails me to say they enjoyed a piece. Fooie. I dip into my background, my profession, my training and expound on some nuance of the systems world and I’m drowned out by neophytes and/or the drumbeat of the influenza (the influenza are a-listers and technorats).
    Most of what we talk about in these places is too complex to be reduced to a three hundred word post or comment.
    I feel a need for a change, and one thing I’m doing is shifting around my whole online presence… doing what we addicts call “a geographic.” When I’ve arrived at my destination I’m sure I will have brought my problems with me! Even so, for me, this is an important thing to do right now because I’m spread out all over, paying too many providers for services only partially used… using a toolset that makes me uncomfortable… whatever.
    But the delight of discovery on the Internet, particularly on the Web, and specifically in the ongoing interactions with those who maintain public writing spaces and often call themselves, ridiculously enough, “bloggers” – these things keep me engaged.
    This week I’ve found a new direction. I’ve been reminded that the tech is just the tech and the politics of correctness are often as much impedimenta as moral guideposts. In the middle of this I stumbled across the Bloggers Parliament. Take a look and see if it speaks to you at all.
    What I appreciate about this assemblage is that it’s a whole new corner of the web that contains artistic, engaged people of the type I love, who are addressing matters that are important in an interesting way. Sort of a step up from the navel gazing of the recent exhausting exchange of P.S. mail.

  2. Sounds a lot like what Blog Tank had in mind.
    I haven’t figured out yet where I want to go. Maybe I’ll do what Annie does and, rather than blog myself, get into the comment conversations on the blogs of others. I’m still introspecting, and I thank you for assuring me that I’m not alone in my dissatisfactions and disaffections. And you can rest assured that I continue to read what you post, even though I don’t always leave a comment. (I just don’t want to reveal how ignorant I am about some of the issues you bring up. Heh.)

  3. One of the challenges we all face is the social bandwidth issue. To the extent that I read {blogs 1,2,3… 20} I limit my opportunies to see what’s shaking at {blogs 21, 22, 23… 40} as well as my time available for the peace march.
    Sometimes we just have to adjourn to real time, sometimes we have to strike out to find new playmates, and sometimes we just need to change seats on the bus!

  4. Hi! Thank you for visiting Bloggers Parliament.
    Come by again and maybe think about joining?
    And coincidentally, I was thinking along similar lines to you, in my “everything must change” post (Nov.2 post in my blog, Blaugustine).
    Are you really going to stop blogging? Once you are hooked (and I’m definitely hooked) it’s hard to stop. But you’re right, there’s a lot of silly competitiveness in the blogosphere.
    Very best wishes.

  5. I’ve been getting a general sense of malaise reading too many politically aimed blogs lately. I don’t know why I click the links– I must be a sucker for punishment, or I think it somehow keeps me in touch with current events (which it really doesn’t). I gotta get back to seeking more constructive, creative posts. I wish those were the ones that consistently floated to the top of Blogdex instead of the bitchy ranty ones.
    And in the middle of that I go back to my own blog, and I make it be what I feel is lacking. I write about the things that move and interest me, and that restores a balance. And then I click on some links and I find something really good and stirring and interesting and meaningful.
    Blogs, in the software / technological sense, are just tools to help us acheive something. If they’re not helping you build what you want, it’s OK to change tools. Good luck with your wrestle to decide what you want to do with your blog. Either way, I hope you stay in touch via email and comments. It’s been good getting to know you in the digital sense. It’s been good reading your creative voice.

  6. I’m with you, Elaine; admire your courage in trying to describe the ‘malaise’ afflicting you (hell, how long is a piece of string?), and hope you get back into the swing of things sometime soon.
    “I don’t fit here, where I am, right now, in the corner of the blogworld where I wound up, after sailing in on b!X

  7. I understand where you’re coming from Elaine. I don’t think I suffer from a malaise myself, as much as I do a disappointment.
    I had hoped to start a dialog with the two postings, but aside from you Maria and Netwoman, no women responded. Makes me think that perhaps the women in blogging aren’t worth fighting for.
    I also think you’re right, too. Just do what feels good and screw the rest of the folks — they’ll have to fight their own battles.
    And yes, you are a hell of a blogger.

  8. Hands gloved, legs crossed at the knees

    I appreciated the folks that commented on the Gender Ghetto and G Quotient postings. I am lucky to have thoughtful readers. I have to admit, though, that I am disappointed by the lack of feminine response to the writings. I received honest, interested,…

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