That has wound up her sleeping schedule, one a.m. to one p.m. And sometimes she actually sleeps until it’s almost supper time.
They used to call it “hardening of the arteries,” , the condition that is causing her vascular dementia. It doesn’t matter that I feed her healthy food now. Almost 92 years of kielbasa is a very long time. It’s too late to take the cholesterol medicine she has always refused to take.
Yesterday morning she woke up at 8 a.m. agitated and muttering “We have to get out of here.” “We are going crazy.” When she tried to stand up her legs gave out. “Who’s beating me?” she asked. “Everything hurts.”
Every once in a while, in one of her altered states, she says, “I’m sick. I’m dying.” And then she cries.
There’s not much we can do except try to reassure her in calm, easy voices. We are here, we say. You are not alone, we say. Everything is OK. We will not leave you.
word surgery
The following post is by MYRLN, a non-blogger who is Kalilily Time’s guest writer every Monday
WORD SURGERY
In curious ways, words contain surprises we don’t always (if ever) notice — some of them can break down into two or more words having no relationship to the original word’s meaning. In the previous sentence, for example, the word “relationship” can be broken into two words: “relation” and “ship”. But words with certain suffixes, like “-ship” or “-ion” or “-tic”, “-ant”, and “-able” make
finding breakable words easier and thus a little less fun in the finding. But sometimes they’re fun, too, especially when finding the more difficult kind becomes frustrating.
Indeed, the same applies to many words sharing particular prefixes like “in-” (as in “in-deed”, “in-tent”) or “be-” (as in “be-have”, “be-rate”). Also less fun and too easy to identify are those long-ago manufactured compounds, like “fare-well” or “eye-sight.” But again, they can be fun to recognize, too.
The real gems, however, are those words that have none of the above characteristics and at first glance might be unrecognizable. They’re the ones that break down into fun, surprising, and often funny new words with no connection to or sometimes totally opposite in meaning or sense from the original. Sometimes one comes along that requires a surprising piece of punctuation, say an apostrophe, to make the split work. So have some fun, find the kind of words in your life that break into new words.
Below is a list to demonstrate some oddities of our words (including, as examples, a few with the kinds of prefixes, suffixes, and compounds mentioned above): understand… information… basically… cinematic… imaging (apostrophe required)… advice…supervisor… outage… season…mattresses… archbishop… miserable… realtor… forgotten (2 or 3 new words there)… tomcruise (:-))… protestant… manhattan… belong… designate lobby… candidate… cowardice… support… forage.
But one of the best of all: therapist.
Have fun.
one weird morning
My cat is throwing up on my mother’s rug while she’s in the bathroom having a dementia meltdown.
My brother is yelling at me because I took his clothes out of the dryer (and put them in a laundry basket) so that I could put my mother’s clothes (that I gathered and spot sprayed and washed) in the dryer.
I finally get my mother settled in her recliner to watch the Catholic mass on EWTN. The priest is already in the middle of his sermon, disparaging global warming because of something to do with God putting the sun up there for us.
While I make my mother lunch, I am half listening to what the priest is saying, and it sure sounds like unrealistic nonsense to me — admonitions to live by the Church’s rules, a disempowering assertion of who’s the real boss of you.
I can’t see how any of that sermonizing can be of much help to anyone searching for guidance in how to give personal meaning to the actual time he/she spends on this planet.
What I believe is that where psychology and spirituality (not religion) overlap , it is at that broad intersection where one can discover one’s own power as an individual living in this place at this time. I am not using the word “spirituality” in any theistic sense, but rather in the sense of our animating energy, whatever it is that inspires us, awes us, puts a fire in our bellies. One’s own “spirit.” “Soul.”
The shaman of ancient cultures knew how to create that intersection. I think that the best of today’s therapists understand how to do that for today’s seekers.
poor Tom
Tom Cruise has taken a lot of criticism from a lot of fronts. And now there’s a video of him extolling Scientology viralling around the internet. (There’s no such word as “viralling” but I think it captures the spiraling viral video phenomenon.)
It seems to me that Cruise is, indeed, the poster boy for how Scientology works when it’s successful. He’s confident in himself and his decisions — enough to carry on his purposeful life despite harsh criticisms. He feels a sense of humanitarian responsibility and he acts on that sense. He’s learned to be a positive thinker and the kind of person who actually practices what he preaches. His energy is focused, his goals ambitious, and he has a support system that really does provide philosophical as well as practical support.
Hmm. What would happen if all “religions,” all philosophies, were able to provide that kind of practical and motivating support?
I don’t think that you have to be a Scientologist to achieve those senses of confidence, caring, and contribution. But it’s hard figuring it all out by yourself, hard keeping motivated, hard remaining positive in a negative environment.
Scientology seems like the ultimate support system for individuals serious about attaining their dreams. Unlike many other spiritual approaches, it seems to prod you to get off your duff and DO. Not just contemplate, but ACT. And, more importantly, it gives you the psychological tools to enable you to move ahead in your chosen life’s path.
As a young man, my father read Norman Vincent Peale’s “The Power of Positive Thinking.” and Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Throughout his life, he made good use of what he learned from those books.
From what I’ve read about Scientology, it seems to build on the techniques put forth in those two books, and it puts its own spin on the process of self-actualization.
There are many successful members of Scientology, and many of those are from the fields of the performing arts, which are very competitive and stressful.
I imagine that Scientology’s “can do” philosophy has helped them persevere in their chosen careers, helped them to overcome obstacles to success. No wonder that so many of them have found a psychological and “spiritual” home in Scientology.
My Dad had Norman Vincent Peale and Dale Carnegie and his Polish Catholic parish. Together, they worked for him.
Tom Cruise has Scientology.
Hey, it works for him.
thank you for being my friends.
You know who you are. And this poem (from Jim Culleny’s daily poetry emails) knows how it goes.
Wistawa Szymborska
There is much I owe
to those I do not love.
The relief in accepting
they are closer to another.
Joy that I am not
the wolf to their sheep.
My peace be with them
for with them I am free,
and this, love can neither give,
nor know how to take.
I don’t wait for them
from window to door.
Almost as patient
as a sun dial,
I understand
what love does not understand.
I forgive
what love would never have forgiven.
Between rendezvous and letter
no eternity passes,
only a few days or weeks.
My trips with them always turn out well.
Concerts are heard.
Cathedrals are toured.
Landscapes are distinct.
And when seven rivers and mountains
come between us,
they are rivers and mountains
well known from any map.
saved by the Hallmark
Aside from getting up and walking around (with help), aside from sleeping, eating and (uh, well, you know), aside from carrying on usually incoherent conversations because she refuses to admit she can’t hear, aside from slipping into dementia at the least hint of stress, there is not much my mother can do but watch television.
Except anything with violence or anything the least bit sexual sends her off into one of her “episodes,” which involve wailing about “where can I go,” and/or “don’t leave me,” and/or just holding her head and crying and asking for her mother.
And so, luckily, we found the Hallmark Channel, where stories about little kids and dogs and old people abound. Little House on the Prairie is one of her favorites.
The Hallmark Channel also seems to be the place where second stringers and old timers wind up when the major networks have moved them out. I even saw Rory Calhoun (whose handsome face adorned my teenage walls) in one of the Hallmark movies made in the 90s.
All day and well into the evening, I can usually find something on the Hallmark Channel that my mother will sit and watch. And if it happens to be time for “Murder She Wrote,” we just switch to ABC Family. That’s usually good for a kid or two.
And, while I’m reluctant to admit it, I’m kind of hooked on Kyle XY.
If all else fails, we always have TVLand, where Andy Griffith and the Beaver never fail to hold her attention. (But not Lucy, who mom thinks is too crazy.)
Although we also sometimes watch the musicals on Turner Classic Movies, the awful truth is I’m getting to enjoy the Hallmark Channel too. Something about watching movies and programs depicting life as it never is/was but rather as the child in us wishes it would be.
humor for us crabby old ladies
gone to extreme extremes
We are living in a world in which extremes are becoming commonplace. Television, starving for the substance provided by the striking writers, tries to entice us with a range of extreme papcrap — extreme sports, extreme makeovers, even a new drama called “Extreme.”
This week’s Harper’s Weekly shares some extreme newsbits, the links to which can be found in this version. The following are excerpts:
Visiting the Middle East, President George W. Bush urged Gulf state leaders to join him in confronting Iran, “before it’s too late.” Bush, guarded by ten thousand policemen in Jerusalem, told Condoleezza Rice that the United States should have bombed Auschwitz, and was flown by helicopter to Bethlehem so that he could pass through a tiny Door of Humility and pray at the traditionally venerated birthplace of Jesus Christ.
For the first time since the 1800s the average Briton was earning more than the average American, even though the pound was at an all-time low against the euro.
Pat Robertson predicted that China will convert to Christianity. “God’s going to give us China,” he said. “China will be the largest Christian nation on earth.” The Chinese government expelled more than five hundred people from the Communist Party for violating the country’s one-child policy,
The Australian government refused to provide compensation to Aborigines (who until 1967 were governed under flora and fauna laws) who were stolen from their parents as children.
A victim of Hurricane Katrina was suing the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers for $3,000,000,000,000,000 after the
Corps admitted that it had done a poor job designing the broken New Orleans levees.
The Museum of Bogota in Colombia opened an exhibit dedicated to laziness, and scientists in Houston discovered a vaccine that makes cocaine no fun.
It was revealed that a single trader seeking bragging rights caused oil to reach a record high of $100 a barrel.
it was revealed that Blackwater dropped riot-control gas on U.S. soldiers in Iraq in 2005. “This,” said Army Captain Kincy Clark, “was decidedly uncool.”
Forty-seven U.S. senators were fighting for the return of guns to national parks and wildlife refuges.
Finally, and maybe the most relevant of all:
Scientists from the American Astronomical Society attended their annual meeting and agreed that the universe is bizarre and violent. “This is the glory of the universe,” said the association’s president. “What is odd and what is normal is changing.”
It certainly does seem so, doesn’t it?
those weepy women
No, this is not about Hillary getting a little tiredly teary eyed. That’s getting plenty of attention, both negative and positive.
This is about the current research comparing how male vs. female brains save emotional memories. The reports on this research began today on NBC’s Nightly News.
When it comes to storing emotionally-rich memories women’s brain place the memory in a part where emotions and details remain intertwined. For men the emotions get separated so the recall often becomes “just the facts”. This makes for some amusing scenarios like the couple we show with differing memories of their wedding day. But it could also have medical applications. Women suffer almost twice as much depression as men. This difference in brain function could account for that and someday suggest better treatments.
Actually, maybe this all does have something to do with Hillary’s tears, because the question arises whether it might be a good thing for a president to remember facts in the context of emotions/feelings, for a president’s approach to the handling of difficult situations to be more deeply nuanced than has been the case. Experience, after all, is never “just the facts.” And the ability to distill experience into a problem-solving context is essential to effective and humane leadership. Of course, that’s not the only essential quality, but that’s not what what this post is about.
We know from decades of research that, in general, boys and girls tend to learn differently. It’s as though there’s a continuum, with more boys on one end, more girls on the other, and an increased overlapping as they get to the middle of the spectrum.
NBC’s Nightly News announced that a future broadcast will look at whether single sex education works better for both boys and girls. As a former teacher, my position is that it might for some boys and some girls.
But, I believe that most kids benefit most from integrated classrooms with teachers who honor and provide for individual differences in learning styles. It seems like that’s asking a lot of teachers, but, after all, that’s what they had to do when there were one-room schoolhouses.
It seems that women are more likely to get teary than men because their brains are wired to keep emotions easily accessible, to perceive and react to a synthesis of facts and feelings. Our male dominated culture has programmed us to believe that a “female” approach to problem solving is not as good as “male” (which tends to focus on “just the facts”).
I read on Ronni Bennett’s Time Goes By that surveys and pundits are telling us that older women are voting for Senator Clinton in droves because she is a woman.
Ronni goes on to post this quote from the November 27 issue of The New York Times:
“’I told her that my grandmother was the first person in town to vote, and my mother was the second,’ said Mrs. Smith, who was born three months before the 19th Amendment was ratified in 1920. ‘And I told her I was born before women could vote, and I want to live long enough to see a woman in the White House.’”
jWell, I would like to live long enough to see a woman in the White House too. And I don’t hold it against Hillary that she allowed herself to show some emotion.
There are other things I hold against her and her politics.
Hillary-ous
The following post is by MYRLN, a non-blogger who is Kalilily Time’s guest writer every Monday
HILLARY-OUS
The carpetbagger Senator from New York began articulating some specific plans this past week. “We dug a big hole,” she said, “we’ve got to dig ourselves out. I’m going to pass out shovels to everyone.” She made that remark as part of the undetailed policies she’s proposing on energy and taxation, which would require up to $110 billion in tax breaks and government aid to jump-start the economy. But she admittedly has no proposed means of paying for such a program. Nor for the shovels.
And that’s odd, because last month she sang a different tune. Then she very firmly and pointedly said, “I am not proposing anything I don’t have way to pay for.”
Now there’s a “change” for ya. Talk about your “fairy tales.” The nature of her presidency, it seems, would depend upon which state you live in. Maybe she can get it down to which block you live on.
Sure hope our shovels get here soon cuz the horse-puckey from Camp Clinton is getting deep in a hurry. Pretty soon we’ll need bull*dozers to clean up.