I’ve given out, given up, given in

In a way, it’s a relief. I don’t have to go through all the complex strategizing to get him to compromise — only, each time, to come up against a stone wall. Actually, it’s more like being dumped into a vat full of jello. Either way, I get nowhere.
I’m out of energy and stamina. I give up. He can take care of our mother any way he wants.
He has arranged with a female musician friend of his to come and stay with our mother. Every once in a while. No set schedule. I’ve met her. She’s nice enough, and, as far as I can tell, my mother likes her.
I wanted him to hire someone from an agency who is trained to deal with dementia patients. That is, who knows what kind of patience is necessary to deal with someone who pretty much lives in her own personal reality, which sometimes overlaps with a more objective reality — but even then, with her own emotional twist. But he wouldn’t agree to that.
So, I give up, and I’m intellectually and emotionally distancing myself from the situation. I will come in once a month to visit my mom. I hope that we both can take the emotional stress. It’s almost better if she completely forgets who I am.
I’m hoping to be completely out of here and out of primary caregiving by the end of the year. It seems like forever.

3 thoughts on “I’ve given out, given up, given in

  1. I can feel the exhaustion in your words. You’ve already done all you can and have to let go now even though it’s hard to do. I wish the best for all of you.


  2. It is a good choice you’ve made. The situation, lack of professional care, is not only your brother’s. It is also your mother’s. Not your mother now, but the mother who chose to rely on her son, rather than listening to her daughter. I’m in a similar situation and I can well sympathise with you about how difficult it is to bow out of the situation, when it is so obviously wrong. Yet, we do not serve others to stamp and roar ineffectually on the sidelines. We do not serve our gods or ourselves to live in misery because others are living in misery. I wish you times of joy and happiness with your family, who need to see your courage to chose happiness rather than sadness.

  3. One can only do what is emotionally and physically possible. When other family members do not see it the same way you do, one must know when to throw in the towel and when to add more stress by fighting for your view. You have done your best and that is all your mother would ask of you.

Leave a Reply