My Unitarian Jihad Name

Thanks to Doug’s Dynamic Drivel for pointing me to this.

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Sister Spikey Mace of Patience.

Get yours.

The need for this Jihad is being promoted by Jon Carroll at, where he posts the first communique from a group calling itself Unitarian Jihad.
Included in the communique are statements such as these:

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for “balance” by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.


Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he’s pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.

Put your tongue in your cheek and go and read the whole thing.

3 thoughts on “My Unitarian Jihad Name

  1. This was hilarious! Where do you get this stuff?? I will forward to my (real-life) Unitarian friends.
    Sister Spikey Mace of Warm Humanitarianism

Leave a Reply