Welcome brand new baby boy Ruairi Michael O
Awwww. I love babies!
Some friends of ours have a two-year-old. Her daddy quit work to be the stay-home parent and attends her like glue.
They also tried this new approach where they never used the word “no” for the first year. Anytime she’d grabbed something she wasn’t supposed to, they’d substitute it for another toy. Then they’d calmly explain why she couldn’t have the forbidden item. Also, based on the concept that babies know what you’re thinking/feeling even more than you do, when bathing,changing,feeding her they put all else out of their minds and thought only of entertaining her. And actually, what we think of as play is serious business to infants. They might “play” with alphabet blocks, but what they’re really doing is developing a sense of control over their environment and their bodies. The worst thing you can do with a “playing” child is to have a disregarding attitude that they’re engaged in something insignificant.
Now that she’s two years and some months old, there are no tantrums, no night terrors, and she actually can reason with them when they need her to do something. She’s also bi-lingual, using each language appropriately and not mixing different words from the two.
It’s kind of scary, because she understands totally when you’re telling her something. I’m sure she doesn’t understand a lot of the words we use, but she understands the intentions behind them.
A lot of this has to do with how the brain/mind works. For the first year the brain develops as the child learns about and explores her environment. When a baby is told “no, no, no” all the time, they learn inhibition as a natural response. The brain is then not allowed to develop as fully or quickly as it can.
When you think about it, our brains/minds are a lot like our bodies. Look at a prisoner who’s held in a tiny cell for years. When he’s released he can’t walk as well, has trouble with his joints and muscles, and has a claustrophobic view of life. Inadvertantly we put our children into “mental jail cells” that cramp them and stunt thier mental and spiritual growth.
Sorry, this is getting lengthy. Anyway, congratulations to the new parents.
That’s really interesting suff, Ylonka. I’m going to copy your comment and send it to my daughter — since she has that same approach to her 5 month old. But you mention things I’m not sure she’s thought of. thanks.
I’ve heard a really good book is “Your Child’s Self-Esteem” I don’t know the author. But it’s supposed to be full of really good advice.
Have a great Holiday