the education issue: money vs mind

(This is the second of my series of posts about the issue of education in the upcoming presidential election, in response to the challenge issued by Ronni Bennett in her blog, Time Goes By.)
Anyone who follows the news knows that environmental and energy issues are in the forefront of today’s politics. I can’t help wonder how different things might be today if those leaders who screwed up these two survival necessities had been exposed to a different kind of education, one in which critical thinking, creative discovery, complex problem solving, and honest communication had been at the core. These are the skills that all people need to become all they can be, for themselves and for their communities. The educational challenge is one of developing human capital.
A July 29 New York Times Opinion piece by David Brooks begins with this question:

Why did the United States become the leading economic power of the 20th century? The best short answer is that a ferocious belief that people have the power to transform their own lives gave Americans an unparalleled commitment to education, hard work and economic freedom.

Brooks points to two research efforts that show that the skills slowdown is the biggest issue facing the country. and that It’s not globalization or immigration or computers per se that widen inequality. It’s the skills gap. Boosting educational attainment at the bottom is more promising than trying to reorganize the global economy.
Brooks goes onto say

…. it’s worth noting that both sides of this debate exist within the Democratic Party. The G.O.P. is largely irrelevant. If you look at Barack Obama’s education proposals — especially his emphasis on early childhood — you see that they flow naturally and persuasively from this research. …….. McCain’s policies seem largely oblivious to these findings. There’s some vague talk about school choice, but Republicans are inept when talking about human capital policies.

from here:

…..McCain ….. has yet to move his discussion of education from conservative generalities to specific policy proposals. Sure, McCain nods toward introducing “competition” in public schooling and, like every national politician, he has become a proponent of educational “accountability.” But generally, McCain’s pronouncements on education seem calculated to buttress other aspects of his agenda, such as privatization of public services, opposition to abortion rights, and even support for immigration reform.

[snip]

Since McCain first advocated vouchers, a growing body of research has confirmed that they do not improve students’ academic performance or help close the achievement gap between affluent white children and poor children of color. Furthermore, the value of the vouchers McCain and other conservatives have proposed — $2,000 — is equal to less than half the average annual tuition at an American private school — $4,689. That means vouchers won’t give poor families many educational options beyond inner-city parochial schools, which are far less expensive and exclusive than secular prep schools focused on ensuring college admission. Voucher programs stack the deck against families who prefer a secular education for their children. In Milwaukee, the site of the largest private-voucher experiment to date, 102 of 120 participating schools are religious-affiliated.

From here and attributed to NEA president Reg Weaver:

“McCain’s plans have erased any doubts that he would continue the misguided policies of the Bush administration. The spending scheme recently outlined would reportedly save $100 billion, but it doesn’t mention the critical casualties of those cuts: America’s children. The move would take away even more resources from public schools that are already underfunded. Under McCain’s scheme, 4.2 million disadvantaged children would be shortchanged in needed reading and math help due to the shortfall of $10.7 billion between the McCain plan for Title I and what was promised in the No Child Left Behind law.

“McCain’s scheme would also shortchange states and schools by $12.5 billion by reducing services to 3.6 million children with disabilities. Like President Bush, who proposed $14.2 billion less than what Congress provided for education during his presidency, McCain’s scheme has shown he is quite willing to mortgage our children’s future.

from here, quoting Sen. John McCain’s education adviser, Lisa Graham Keegan:

In defending McCain’s perceived lack of interest in education, Keegan said that it wasn’t because the candidate is not passionate—but because he believes a “renaissance” in education is possible and that his plan will be more meaningful, and more at odds with the current public education system. (Update: Margaret Spellings declared that education was not McCain’s passion.)

“It’s very easy to write a detailed program for an old system,” Keegan said in criticizing Sen. Barack Obama’s plan, which has been on his Web site for months.

As far as McCain’s education plan to be unveiled in the fall, Keegan said it will focus on standards, accountability, delivering information on these issues to the public, and more direct intervention. He will “insist” on giving principals the power to use differential pay for teachers. And, expect the issue of international benchmarking to appear in his plan, too, she said. wants to move away from sanctions and instead use tutoring and public school choice as “opportunities” for children and families rather than as punishments for schools. And perhaps more importantly, he wants to make the aid available to families immediately without waiting two or three years. And maintaining the current sanction of restructuring schools at five years if they are failing to meet adequate yearly progress isn’t a priority for him, either. In addition, McCain will work more closely with governors to come up with other options for addressing failing schools, she said.

Obama’s positions on education are very different from McCain’s:
from here:

Speaking by satellite to the American Federation of Teachers (AFT), Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama slammed his opponent John McCain for voting against education funding.

“He voted against increased funding for No Child Left Behind to preserve billions in tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans – tax breaks he wants to extend without saying how he’d pay for them. He voted against increasing funds for Head Start, and Pell Grants, and the hiring of 100,000 new teachers again and again and again,” Obama said.

He accused McCain of only wanting to recycle old Republican ideas, “In fact, his only proposal seems to be recycling tired rhetoric about vouchers and school choice. Now, I’ve been a proponent of public school choice throughout my career. I applaud AFT for your leadership in representing charter school teachers and support staff all across this country, and for even operating your own charters in New York. Because we know well-designed public charter schools have a lot to offer, and I’ve actually helped pass legislation to expand them. But what I do oppose is using public money for private school vouchers.”

Obama also discussed merit pay for teachers, “And when our educators succeed, I won’t just talk about how great they are; I will reward them for it. Under my plan, districts will be able to give teachers who mentor, or teach in underserved areas, or take on added responsibilities, or learn new skills to serve students better,

In sharp contrast to McCain’s haphazard thoughts and non-policies on education, Barack Obama has spelled out his well-thought out plan for putting American education on the road to becoming what it should be: a system of helping all children and adults become all they are capable of being. It’s all there, on his website, in red, white, and blue, with financial capital supporting human capital.
Obama summed it up here:

A truly historic commitment to education – a real commitment – will require new resources and new reforms. It will require a willingness to break free from the same debates that Washington has been engaged in for decades – Democrat versus Republican; vouchers versus the status quo; more money versus more accountability. And most of all, it will take a President who is honest about the challenges we face – who doesn’t just tell everyone what they want to hear, but what they need to hear.

I am running to be that President. And that’s why I’m proposing a comprehensive plan to give every American child the chance to receive the best education America has to offer – from the moment they’re born to the day they graduate college. As President, I will put the full resources of the federal government behind this plan. But to make it a reality, I will also ask more of teachers and principals; parents and students; schools and communities.

saved by a craft

Sometimes these days I think the only way I have stopped myself from strangling my brother and/or my mother is by picking up a crochet hook or a pair of knitting needles and going at it with a new hank of yarn.
I realized recently that I am a “process” craftsperson rather than a “product” one. I have at leave five projects started that I’ve set aside because I got to points in the patterns that required a lot of attention to detail. So I’ve started a lightweight crocheted afghan for when I move in with my daughter and family. It’s the same stitch over and over again — striped using two related yarns. There is something about the rhythm of the hand movements that’s mesmerizing, mentally relaxing. I can sit in the middle of a raging familial storm and block it out with the repeating stitch mantra. It’s certainly better for my health than drinking.
Oh, I have finished projects — like this and this and this and this.
But that was all before I moved my mother and me in with my brother. That was before my mother needed 24/7 care. Then I had the mental energy to focus on the details of form.
Now I just need something to do with my hands, something to intrude between my world and my brain. Something that I can easily put down if I have to.
So, it’s
Yarn over hook.
Insert hook in the next stitch to be worked.
Yarn over hook.
Pull yarn through stitch.
Yarn over hook.
Pull yarn through all 3 loops on hook ……….

letting the dishes go

Today I let the dishes go and did some blog-jumping through Goodblogs. And I eventually found this:
CAREGIVERS BILL OF RIGHTS
I have the right:
To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will enable me to take better care of my loved one.
I have the right:
To seek help from others even though my loved one may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.
I have the right:
To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things for myself.
I have the right:
To get angry, be depressed and express other difficult emotions occasionally.
I have the right:
To reject any attempt by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, anger or depression.
I have the right:
To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness and acceptance from my loved one for as long as I offer these qualities in return.
I have the right:
To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it sometimes takes to meet the needs of my loved one.
I have the right:
To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me when my loved one no longer needs my full-time help.
I have the right:
To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired persons in our country, similar strides will be made toward aiding and supporting caregivers.
What’s interesting, is that different websites quoting the above attribute it to different authors:
I don’t care who wrote it first. It’s damn right on.

it’s still the wrong answer

Thanks to Jim Culleny for his daily poetry emails.

Myth
Muriel Rukeyser
Long afterward, Oedipus, old and blinded, walked the roads. He smelled a familiar smell. It was the Sphinx. Oedipus said, “I want to ask one question. Why didn’t I recognize my mother?”
“You gave the wrong answer,” said the Sphinx. “But that was what made everything possible,” said Oedipus. “No,” she said. “When I asked, What walks on four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening, you answered, Man. You didn’t say anything about woman.”
“When you say Man,” said Oedipus, “you include women too. Everyone knows that.”
She said, “That’s what you think.”

the education issue: assessment

Ronni Bennett’s Time Goes By is one of the few weblogs that I have time to frequently read. Recently, she wrote:

So here is what I propose: that each blogger reading this today – whatever else you write about on your blog – take on one issue or a small aspect of one issue, follow it in the mainstream press, on alternative media and political sites online, on other blogs as it is debated and once a week, write about what you’ve learned on that issue. Make yourself an expert on it, do some research, give us the facts, tell us what the candidates are saying, how it’s being spun by their surrogates – and your opinions too, if you are so inclined.

Education is one area in which I have abiding interest, based on twenty years of experience that includes classroom teaching, training teachers, and developing and implementing statewide policies, including the state’s Learning Standards.. And, I have opinions. Very strong opinions. Especially about student assessment.
Everyone knows that what’s on the test determines what gets taught. And, in general, not enough effort is put into developing engaging ways for “how” it all gets taught. Everyone knows that, in terms of students developing a love of learning and then learning well, the current “teaching to the test” approach is an overwhelming failure. Student learning needs to be assessed so that we know if they’re learning how to apply what they’ve learned, or not.
This piece on the website of the Carnegie Foundation for the Advancement of Teaching presents a different approach:


In the ambitious New Standards Project, a national initiative that regularly brought teachers together from around the country to learn techniques for integrating instruction and assessment, participating teachers learned to literally merge these two activities in such a way that they were indistinguishable. Lauren Resnick of the University of Pittsburgh, one of the visionaries behind the project, noted that rather than bemoan the inclination to teach to the test, we should take advantage of it. We should make exercises so compelling, and so powerful as exemplars of a domain, that honing one’s ability to solve them represents generalizable learning and achievement. Viewed in this light, teaching to the test is no longer vaguely disreputable because the skills and knowledge are themselves general and are the very things we wish students to acquire.

So, I begin to look at where the presumed presidential candidates stand on issues of education, specifically assessment. And here’s what I found:
from here:

McCain focuses his statements on education on school choice –that is, if a school fails a student, then the student should have the freedom to move to a different school. McCain believes that many schools are failing, and No Child Left Behind helps to illustrate the problem. Obama believes that public education was broken before NCLB –and that NCLB was intended to fix the problem, but was poorly conceived, never properly funded, and was poorly implemented.

Hmm. I believe that, while “school choice” does work to the advantage of some students, what most students need is access to a system of 21st Century public education that does what it’s supposed to do — prepare students to think about what they’re learning and to want to continue learning so that they can live fulfilled, productive and positive lives. Duh. Is that what’s happening? I don’t think so.
OK. So, what are the education platforms regarding assessment of the two presumed candidates?

from here

McCain’s education platform is built on merit pay for teachers and school vouchers for families who would like to trade in their students’ failing schools for private schools. According to McCain, families whose children are stuck in failing schools should have choices and opportunities that are not limited by entrenched bureaucracy or unions.

Pretty flimsy platform, it seems to me.
from here:


Standardized testing is stuck in the crossfire in the debate over accountability, and Obama has stepped up to take aim. He says that too often standardized tests fail to provide valuable or timely feedback. Meanwhile, “creativity has been drained from classrooms, as too many teachers are forced to teach to fill-in-the-bubble tests,” Obama says. While we do need some form of assessment, he says those tests should be measuring what is valuable for students to learn. “I will provide funds for states to implement a broader range of assessments that can evaluate higher-order skills, including students’ abilities to use technology, conduct research, engage in scientific investigation, solve problems, present and defend their ideas,” says Obama
.

Thanks Barack. I couldn’t have said it better.

a day in the life

from the (free) magazine for dementia caregivers published the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America (careADvantage, Summer 2008 — PDF) – an article by Richard Taylor, PH.D., a retired psychologist who was diagnosed with dementia.

When dementia enters a person’s mind, when it enters dynamics of a family – of a husband or his spouse – how we communicate, why we communicate should/will shift.

[snip}

It should shift away from mutual understanding and agreement and toward staying connected, giving and receiving love, supporting each other in ways we never thought we would have to do. It gets less and less about about the facts and more and more about feelings. It moves (quite unfortunately) from looking towards tomorrow to looking back at yesterday. (Today just gets lost!)

As the disease progresses, the burden of adapting, of figuring out what the other person wants/means/understands shifts more and more into the minds and hearts of caregivers.

About seven years ago, when my mother was first diagnosed with dementia, I started reading and researching what would mean for both of us. Slowly but surely, I became the mother and she became the child. That was something to which it was really hard to adjust. Now, she calls me her sister. I don’t try to correct her. It really doesn’t matter. I’m her primary caregiver, and it’s me to whom she looks for comfort and safety.

That’s why my stomach is in knots at the thought of leaving her with my brother, with whom I can no longer share her caregiving because we disagree on so many things of importance in every day life. I can take her with me, but he has POA over her finances. Control is a big issue.

I don’t know how he thinks he can take care of her without me and without paying to bring in qualified and caring help.

This is what today was like for me (other days, it’s giving her a shower, changing and washing her bedding, planning and shopping for her food, doing her laundry, cleaning her floors [which I don’t get to nearly often enough]):

11 a.m. – 2 p.m.: My shift. Mom slept until noon. When she got up, I made her lunch (of tuna and egg salad, which I made the day before during my evening shift and which she usually likes). She ate a half of her sandwich, a plum (which, of course, I had to peel for her), a cup of her fake coffee, and a couple of cookies. I gave her her antidepressant and some Tylenol because her shoulder was hurting. I wrote down the meds I gave her on the log sheet on the frig. I noticed that she had a sore in one nostril, so I put some salve on it. By 1:30, she wanted to take a nap. When my brother came to take over, I said I thought we should take her to the doctor. He responded with a detailed explanation of what he thought the sore was, and I couldn’t get him to agree that she needed to see a doctor. Not wanting yet another argument, I didn’t make the appointment.

2 – 5 p.m: My free time. I went outside to water my parched tomato and other plants, and then I harvested some basil and parsley for freezing. I killed a lot of Japanese Beetles and had to throw away two of the tomato plants because they were totally dead. Then I went inside and sorted through stuff I could give to the Salvation Army. I answered my email, ate a bunch of delicious cherries, played Scrabble.com with a friend in Saratoga, and did a search for where I could take my broken electronic stuff for recycling. It turned out that there will be a special day in this town where I could do that. I shared the information with my brother.

My brother’s shift. As far as I could tell, when she woke up, he gave her more to eat because she was hungry, and she went back to rest. He put the tv on and sat there tapping on his laptop. I stopped in at one point to use the stove to boil potatoes for salad. I came back to check the potatoes around 4, and he asked me if I made the doctor’s appointment. I said I didn’t because he didn’t tell me that he agreed that I should do it. He blamed me for misunderstanding, and so I called the doctor, who, it turns out is tomorrow and all next week.

5 p.m. – 8 p.m.: My shift: I made chicken and mashed potatoes for supper. She sat in her recliner in front of the tv and ate some cantaloupe while I watched the news from the kitchen. My brother walked in and started to check what else was on television. He does this often, and I reminded him that it was my shift and everything was fine and I was making her supper and we were watching the news.

He decided that she should have some root beer with her dinner (I would have given her juice). She ate her whole dinner and then I took her outside for a while to walk a little and then sit. While we sat, I cut and filed her nails. We went back in for dessert.

She was just finishing her fake coffee and cake when he came back in – poked around in the dish drainer and chastised me for putting a fork in the place designated for knives. (I have learned just to say “umm” and not try to argue because it upsets my mom) I knew that she was getting a little sleepy, but she was sitting calmly watching the tv with me while I made some potato salad (which she likes), so I left well enough alone.

He decided she should take her laxative and should lie down. So, he gave it to her and took her into her bedroom; but she sat up right away and started fiddling with the quilt. He started to be curt with her, which got her upset. I asked him to leave because it was my shift anyway. He finally left, and I had to sit down next to her with my arm around her for more than 20 minutes to calm her down. During that 20 minutes, I had to help her up to the bathroom three times. Her stomach hurt but she couldn’t do anything.

She finally agreed to lie down and rest.

8-11 p.m. My brother’s shift. My free time. I started this post, packed up some boxes of my stuff, fed the cat, got myself ready for bed, and watched my favorite summer tv show: Burn Notice. When I went down to start my shift, my mom and my brother were laughing and talking. She is fine when her caregiver is paying positive attention to her. She has agitated meltdowns when she is spoken to harshly or chastised for doing things wrong.

It is now 12:30 a.m. When my 11 p.m. to 11 a.m. shift started, I gave my mother a snack and a Tylenol, and then I helped her brush her teeth. She wouldn’t put on her nightgown but wanted to sleep in her clothes. I asked her why. She said because she was afraid. I asked her what she was afraid of. She said she didn’t know. She is often afraid but doesn’t know why. I’m haven’t gone to sleep yet because, if she holds true to form, until about 3 a.m, she will be up at least once an hour to go to the bathroom, and she needs me to help her.

She went to sleep without a fuss because her previous hours were calm.
I don’t want to leave her where I’m not sure she will get proper care. She will be lost without me despite the fact that she spends as much time with my brother as she does with me. If she stays with him, he needs to bring in qualified care. And that means that he will have to spend her assets to do that. But he doesn’t believe that I’m really going to leave; he doesn’t believe that our mom’s dementia is as bad as it is; he doesn’t believe that he will have to bring in qualified care to replace me.

I can challenge his POA and take him to court if he fights it. A lawyer I know said that, if that happens, it could cost me as much as $10,000. I can leave her behind, visit, and if she’s not being properly cared for, ask Social Services to do an assessment.

Both her doctor and the hospice nurse (who will no longer be able to certify her for hospice services because there’s no indication any more that she might be dying ) have said that she belongs in a nursing home where she can get 24 hour care.
Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.

But no matter what, I have to get out of here for the sake of my own health and sanity.
I did not post this lengthy piece just to vent and complain. This is part of my documentation of this unbearable situation that I’m in.

ADDENDUM: It is 1 a.m. The electric eye alarm that my brother installed goes off to let me know that she is up. She is sitting in bed. Where am I, she asks. You’re in your bed, I tell her. Where am I, she asks again. I try to get her to lie down. She pulls at her sweater. Take this off she says. Do you want to put on your nightgown, I ask. Yes, she answers. And so we change her clothes and she lies down again. And so the night will go.

who am I?

That’s the question she asked as she finally sat up in bed somewhere close to noon today. Usually she asks “Where am I?” Obviously, her dementia has gotten worse.
I tell her her name, in Polish, in English, her maiden name, her married name. By then she’s onto her other worry — “Can I go home now?”
It’s night now. I was with her most of the day, since my brother had a dentist appointment. When I’m with her, I try to respond with care to every question, every mood, every demand. After all, her world must be truly terrifying. And I’m her anchor.
Except she’s my anchor as well. I can’t move beyond her peripheral vision, or she panics. She is downstairs now with my brother, banging her cane on the floor and calling for me. My contact at the Alzheimer’s Association local chapter tells me that it’s not unusual for dementia patients to latch on to the most trusted caregiver and constantly shadow them. That’s what she’s doing, and it’s making me crazy.
I am holed up in my room, television blasting so that I don’t have to hear her distress. I am eating cherries and chocolate chip cookies. My stomach is in knots.
Meds only seem to make her worse in other ways. She needs 24 hour care, and it’s become too much for two people. But my brother wants her with him.
And I want to get away from this whole situation, even though she pleads with me: “Take me with you.”
It’s beautiful here on the mountain. But it’s also a prison, especially for her.
“Where are the streets?” she asks. “Where are the families?” she wonders as she looks out the window at the lush trees and patches of blue sky.
It’s hard to take her anywhere because she needs a toilet nearby. And her mood can go from placid to panic in a heartbeat.
She has lived too long. I hope that I am not still alive at 92. Or if I am, I still have my mind and my sense of humor.
Meanwhile, I’m sorting through all the stuff I brought with me to this place and downsizing. And packing.

Myrln Monday: a daughter grieves

For a while before his death in April 2008, non-blogger Myrln (aka W. A. Frankonis, i. frans nowak), posted here on Kalilily Time some kind of rant or other every Monday. Our daughter, who has salvaged his published, performed, and none-such writings, continues to send me some to post posthumously.
On this Myrln Monday, however, she adds her own grieving voice:

Myrln Mondays: There have been a few in a row now, I think, that I have missed. Forgotten. And then when I remember that I’ve forgotten I feel terrible. And ironic. Because while I have forgotten I have not nearly FORGOTTEN. Not even close. It creeps up on me unexpectedly. Often at night as I’m trying to fall asleep. And suddenly it’s upon me. The too soon-ness. Too quick-ness. Unfairness. Eeriness. Incomprehensible
-ness. Surreal-ness. And I am overcome. All the clichés exist within me at once: it’s a bad dream and I’m going to wake up and he’ll still be here.

Just one more day — one more day to be sure we said everything. Wish him back – on a star, on the moon (“I had a talk with the moon last night,” he’d say to me, “and it’s all going to be fine”) — on my worry beads. Self-admonitions, I should have gotten out there more. I should have heard something was really wrong when we talked. I should have gotten out there more. The truth of the phrase “sickening feeling” because every time it comes my stomach hollows out and I feel like I’m going to be sick.

Then it’s gone. The same way each time: full of feeling foolish, selfish, sorry-for-myself. Like I’m the only one who has ever lost someone. Only one who has ever lost her father. Who has ever lost him too quickly, unfairly, unexpectedly. The only one who has had to continue on after…

I may forget the Myrln Mondays amidst painting new rooms, preparing for homeschooling, living my life (as my father would be demanding I do anyway as he pointed out in number 8 of his life lessons poem: “Remember the dead in your heart, but honor life and the living with your time and attention because afterward it’s too late”. but I have not FORGOTTEN. Not even close. And as everyone has told me, as painful, unbearable, agonizing, maddening, sad, lonely and empty remembering is, forgetting is far, far worse that all those together. So I am remembering. And missing. And hurting. And crying. And remembering. Always.

SAND HOLE
They excavated sand,
this father and daughter,
digging to China.
I knew it’d really be closer
to Afghanistan,
but their game had a tradition
to follow.
Fathers and sons
have growing between them,
which can be another kind of hole,
while
fathers and daughters
share games and imagination.
And dug holes
always come out in China.
I wonder where the holes Chinese dig
Come out?
Waf jul99

that strange world of dreams

My dreaming life has always been more exciting than my real life. At night, I dream in color, with sounds and complicated plots. Lately, I have been dreaming of people I haven’t seen in ages.
Last night I dreamed of a woman friend who falls into that category, and a male friend of hers, whom I met only once decades ago and whose name I would never remember if I tried. But my dreaming brain remembered his name. In my dream, he was driving a very green van and pulled up to rescue us from some situation (that I now can’t recall).
My dreams are always situational and frustrating. Two nights ago, I dreamed I was in a large hotel (a building I dream about often; sometimes it’s a college or school, sometimes a hotel, and it’s always filled with Escher-like passageways, so after you leave a room, you can’t find it again). This time I dreamed about an aunt and uncle (now in their 80s), whom I haven’t seen or talked with in years. My mother was there, too, (wearing a colorful gypsy scarf on her head) and a 6-year old that was some sort of combination of my grandson and my son (who was wearing some kind of peach overalls). I left them all in a room, and when I tried to get back, I couldn’t find the room, or my room key, or the information desk. No one I stopped to ask was any help. When I went outside to try to get perspective, I couldn’t find the door to get back in. Of course, I woke up without any of it being resolved.
My most memorable dream (from more than 30 years ago) was one in which the planet was being invaded by large pastel colored creatures who looked like a combination of rats and kangaroos. If one bit you, you turned into one of them until they, or someone else, killed you. And then, when you died, you turned back into the human person you were. One of them chased me into kitchen, and I climbed up into the sink and reached into the cutlery drawer and took out a long fork (the kind you use to hold a roast while you carve it). Just as it lunged to bite me, I shoved the fork into the creature’s mouth.
And It started to turn into my brother. If I pulled the fork out and it lived, it would bite me and I would become one of them. If I shoved the fork in further, so it would die, it would turn back into my brother and my brother would die.
That’s when I woke up.
No wonder I grind my teeth.

CrossLoop: you don’t have to be there to be there

Uh oh! Your computer is acting up again, and you’re not a techie. If only your daughter (or son or grandson or granddaughter) were there it would get fixed without a hitch. If only there were a magic wand that would just make it all work again.
Taking the “you don’t have to be there to be there” of today’s communications technology even further, there is a way to get a tech expert into your computer without either one of you having to leave your desks.
When an octogenarian in New Hampshire wanted to finally learn to use a computer, his grandson, a graduate student in California, set it up while he was home on winter break. The computer set up was easy; what was harder was showing his granddad how to do the things on it that he would decide he wanted to do, since they would be thousands of miles from each other.
Long cross-country telephone conversations was one way. But the grandson found a better way — a program called CrossLoop, where a free download offers a way for computer wiz grandson to get into his grandfather’s computer remotely. That way he could actually demonstrate to his grandfather how to do what his grandfather wanted to do, from Googling to email.
There’s even a video demonstrating the simple process on both sides.
This is what the CrossLoop site says about how it works:

CrossLoop is an easy-to-use desktop sharing tool that allows any two people anywhere in the world to connect live via computer. When both users install CrossLoop (a free and secure program based on TightVNC), one can easily connect to the other. From there, you can see and control everything on the other persons PC, making remote troubleshooting remarkably easier. For a complete walkthrough on setting up CrossLoop, continue reading.

You say that you don’t know anyone with the tech savvy to help you? Well, in that case CrossLoop has way to connect you with someone who can — and you will pay a service fee, of course. Even so, it’s got to be easier than hauling your computer in to a place for service or having someone local come to your home and spend hours trying to figure out what’s wrong.
I have been using a similar fee-for-service for years. It’s much less expensive, and I’ve never been disappointed.
(I know, you would think that I could hook up with my son b!X remotely through CrossLoop. But he’s a Mac person, and I have a PC. And he’s not really a techie.)
For non-techie computer users like me, a program like CrossLoop can save you a lot of aggravation trying to figure out, for example, why your Microsoft Word program keeps locking up.