Thinking about it. Annoyed by it. Just not yet destroyed by it.
There were times during that icy week without heat that I could imagine just slipping into a frozen sleep and not waking up.
There were times during the week or so after, floundering in a mix of aches and fever and stuffed sinuses and peppery throat, unable to rest or eat or think, that I could imagine dosing myself into a cloudy sleep and not waking up.
Discomforts for the young can become depressing struggles for elders.
And, if it’s more than just discomfort, if it is, indeed, mortality beleaguering your cells — as it is for my first hospice patient with whom I sat for several hours today — how do you wrap your mind around that?
When I got home from that visit, I found an email letting me know that I have three poems accepted for an online poetry site, the new version of which will be up sometime over the winter. Two of the poems I submitted were based on my experiences with my mother during the last stages of her dementia.
Mortality. It’s just the way it is. We are all terminal.
In the meanwhile, I have to come up with a recent photo to go along with my bio that will go along with my poems on Cyclamens and Swords. The photo that they have — and the one that was on this blog for a while — is almost a couple of years old.
So I take a new photo.
Yeah. More reminders of mortality.
But I do my best to look my best — a little blush, a little hair teasing. Only there’s no denying the passage of time, fine-lining it toward the final loosing of that mortal coil.
Like Mehitabel, I used to brag that “there’s a dance in the ol’ dame yet!”
Well, today, I’m not so sure about a dance. But a song, for sure.
….my youth i shall never forget
but there s nothing i really regret
there s a dance in the old dame yet
toujours gai toujours gai
the things that i had not ought to
i do because i ve gotto
and i end with my favorite motto
toujours gai toujours gai.
I understand. I have sincere doubts about what’s left in this old gal!