family values

No, this is not some kind of rant about that political football.

This is about my family (of origin) and how we deal with each other, the value we place on each other and on ourselves.

As I was growing up, “love” was equated with money. My parents showed they loved us by buying us things. I never refused any of their “love.” It’s all I knew, and I grew to love “things.” Until I immersed by self in therapy — years after a lot of damage was done.

I have a sibling. We have become about as opposite as two offspring from the same parents could be. Maybe because he never dealt with those warped family values.

And now I find that I am going to have to battle him for control of my mother’s assets and for her guardianship. She (93 years old with dementia) is in his care, and he doesn’t know how to care. I can’t bring her to live with me here at my daughter’s, and after the last eight years taking care of her, I need to take care of my own health and well-being.

I have avoided visiting my mother and brother for almost a month because he treats me so awfully. And I can’t stand watching how he treats her. When I go there, I wash her up so that she doesn’t smell, I change her sheets, her clothes, wash her hair. I dance with her each night before she goes to sleep. I make sure she takes her meds and eats nourishing food. I am tired, but she is being treated abusively when I’m not there.

He can use her assets to bring in professional help to take care of her. He won’t.

I feel angry and stupid and tired. I wonder where that “Kali” part of me went. I need to find that part of me to help me win the battle ahead.

I am going to be 69 in a few days. I think I need some Geritol.

5 thoughts on “family values

  1. That is a really good site. I don’t know how I missed it in all of my googling. Even though I’ve already called the county’s Adult Protective Services and have a Case Worker who will do a site visit, there is still information on that site that is very helpful. Thanks for passing it on.

  2. Happy birthday! I am sorry to have missed much of your story. I just read your comment on Ronni’s blog. How tragic what has happened! It must be so upsetting to you. At one point my brother wanted to have my mom near him and I resisted. Men just don’t get it. I hope you will find a solution. Have you tried to get her hospice care?

  3. Thanks, Alexandra. I believe that site is for issues regarding nursing homes. I have all the information I need in terms of my situation. It’s my brother who’s the problem.

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