borderlines

Too often these days I feel as though I’m walking a tightrope. It would only take a little push to take me over the edge.
At night, when I can’t fall asleep, I listen to books on tape that I download, free, from my local library. They are usually mystery novels — situations so far removed from my own life that I can forget, for a while, what is stressing me out so.
Tonight, the “heroine” of the novel drifting in through my ear buds gave a clinical definition of anti-social behavior. I was interested to learn more about what that was, since I often feel I’m in it’s presence.
Some googling, got me to this:
Anti-social personality disorder symptoms:
* Disregard for society’s expectations and laws
* Unlawful behavior
* Violate rights of others (property, physical, sexual, legal, emotional)
* Physical aggression
* Lack of stability in job, home life
* Lack of remorse
* Superficial charm and wit
* Impulsiveness

Hmm. What if someone exhibits the above characteristics but on a less lawless scale? I guess that would mean they have “borderline anti-social personality disorder.”
Or maybe what it really is, is just plain “borderline personality disorder.” Sure sounds like it:
Borderline Personality Disorder (DSM-IV Personality Disorders 301.83[1]) (BPD) is defined as a personality disorder primarily characterized by emotional dysregulation, extreme “black and white” thinking, or “splitting”, and chaotic relationships. The general profile of the disorder also typically includes a pervasive instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior, as well as a disturbance in the individual’s sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.
The disturbances suffered by those with borderline personality disorder have a wide-ranging and pervasive negative impact on many or all of the psychosocial facets of life, including ability to hold down a job and relationships in work, home, and social settings.

[snip]
This profile may be supported and/or corroborated by long term patterns of behavior as reported by family members, friends or co-workers. The list of criteria that must be met for diagnosis is outlined in the DSM-IV-TR
Yup. There it is. Borderline.
And here I am. Planning and packing.