A security assessment found that just one third of Baghdad’s neighborhoods were under U.S. control, police recruits shot a “suspicious woman,” a Catholic priest was kidnapped along with five boys, and 27 corpses, each shot in the head and showing signs of torture, were recovered.

China was in the grip of “Web 2.0 madness.

Three adulterers were executed by firing squad in Khyber, Pakistan.

Hillary Clinton thanked God for helping her endure the sexual indiscretions of her husband.

Two John McCain campaign officials were fired for refusing to “rape and pillage” church directories for potential donors.

Students at Harvard University were scalping tickets to their own graduation, high school officials in Galesburg, Ohio, withheld the diplomas of five seniors after their friends and families cheered too loudly at the commencement, and three students were arrested in Aurora, Illinois, following a cafeteria food fight.

Forest guards in western India were using cell phone ring tones of cows mooing, goats bleating, and roosters crowing to lure hungry leopards away from human encampments.

In Bautzen, Germany, three teenagers were found not guilty of impairing the sex drive of an ostrich.

The Internet’s storehouse of wisdom, information, and pornographic images was determined to weigh 0.2 millionths of an ounce