I’m thinking of that song from “West Side Story.”
I’ve often felt out of place, out of time — born too late or too early. I was a little too young to really be a “beatnik” and too old to be a “hippie.” I’m too old to be a Boomer and too young to be a Solid Senior. I’m neither theist nor atheist, neither New Ager nor Old Fart. I’ve always have to keep struggling to keep from falling between life’s cracks, to find a place of my own. When armed with time, energy, and complete autonomy, I can be pretty successful at grabbing my piece of the action. But the care of a parent who has lived her life self-absorbed, oblivious to the world around her and in denial of the world inside her is making dangerous dents in that armor.
And so I much appreciate the comments left yesterday by my ol’ blogpals Allan, Mike, and Ray. And the emails from Steve James (the dad of Blog Sister and Apprentice Crone Andrea James) and from Tom Shugart and Frank Paynter.
Notice anything signficant about the names of those who have offered encouragement? Yup, all male. I don’t know what that ultimately means, but it’s interesting, isn’t it?? (I have to think on that some more.)
Yes, I miss writing here and reading out there, and so I am finding my way back, but not to the same place I was before.
I’m working on revising my blogroll. And working on some additional pages to this site.
I’m working on re-creating my circle of friends, here, there, everywhere.
My women friends in this painfully real world are my lifelines. While they question the wisdom of my choice to give up what was my life in order to take care of my mother (not one of them who had that choice to make made the one I have), they draw me out, get me out, give me reasons to get myself out of this literally dark apartment. Solstice gatherings with two different groups of women friends stirred what has been languishing in the cauldron’s depths.
Saturday I leave my mother home alone to go out and visit my grandson. That will be my real holiday celebration. And my son-in-law and I are going to see Lord of the Rings, since my daughter doesn’t want to leave the baby, expecially since he just had ear tubes put in three days ago.
So, thank you, guys, for being here. These days I have no men friends in my Real World — out of circumstance, not choice. And I’ve always had male friends to kid around with, bust chops with. Thanks for reminding me that you’re still close by and ready to rock.
It’s going to be a slow resurrection for me, but I’m working on it. Working on it all. Getting geared up for a second wind. Hold onto your hats.
MEANWHILE, if anyone has a suggestion about why I can save and rebuild my MT posts here from my laptop but can’t from my other computer (even though both are XP), I’d appreciate your leaving a comment here. My big Dell just leaves me stuck on the “Rebuilding new entry” message. It gets saved but it doesn’t appear on my blog. I have to connect my laptop to my modem and then I can call up my blog and rebuild it from there so that the new entry appears. (Which is what I have to do right now. ) I don’t have a clue. Anyone??