February 28, 2008
equal opportunity irreverence
Posted at 07:25 PM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)
February 18, 2008
going where?
(Monday is myrln's day to blog here at Kalilily Time.)
GOING WHERE?
One day soon, Spring will show up, and our attention will begin to turn to summertime travel...just getting us out of the grime and racket of the city or the cheese of suburbia. But sometimes, even just the shore or the mountains -- customary destinations -- seem not as inspiring as usual. We feel the need for something even more different. And there's real possibility as an alternative. How about trips to weird? No, not weird events but weird in an unexpected way. How about we go to places with weird or hooting funny names. The country's littered with them...honest.
For example, we could go to BIRD IN HAND, Pennsylvania. Or better yet, how about that state's INTERCOURSE? (Yeah...honest.) Or maybe to Massachusetts for BRAINTREE (don't you just wanna see that?) or TINKERTOWN (do they makes toys or pots and pans there?). Or maybe to New York for CAHOONZIE and CUDDEBACKVILLE...which are not far from each other. Or SHINHOPPLE. Or another two towns not far from each other: SURPRISE and CLIMAX. (They could do an exchange program with INTERCOURSE -- see above). If you prefer the west coast, then try Oregon. They've got SWEET HOME, and BEND, and IRONSIDE (no, Raymond Burr doesn't live there). They even have LOOKINGGLASS and LOOKING GLASS, one near TENILLE (not Toni) and the other near TOLLGATE on opposite sides of the state.
But the champion state for weird place-names is New Jersey. It's as if they had a competition or something. Some are not weird names but unusual sounding, probably directly from original native American tribes or places -- like MAHWAH and HOHOKUS. But the later settlers went to extremes. You can visit KITTATINNY LAKE, if you want. Or take trip over to FORT NONSENSE or MILLSTONE (which might weigh you down). Or maybe try HOPTCONG or NETCONG (neither of which has Viet Cong). If you get hungry, you can go to CHEESEQUAKE or BIVALVE or CINNAMONSON. Shopping? Try BARGAINTOWN. Wanna meet some new women? Spin over to NORMA or SHIRLEY or DOROTHY. But somebody in Jersey had the good sense to remember all that driving around often leads to serious bodily needs. So they've thoughtfully provided a LEEKTOWN...which could go with the food group, yeah, but....
You don't need to stay at any of the towns listed...just drive on through. You can also find your own weird additions to the list. But take pictures of the roadsigns that announce where you've arrived. Otherwise, nobody back home'll believe you when you tell them where you went.
Going my way?
Categories: guest blogger, ha ha
Posted at 10:44 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)
January 27, 2008
sound familiar?
Got the following in an email. Hormones combined with stresses were always a disaster for me. I no longer have the hormones, but I sure do have the stress. And I do remember those old PMS and menopausal hormone horrors..
Q: How many women going through MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?
Woman's Answer:
One!
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM
THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE!
AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!
I'm sorry. What was the question?
Categories: getting older, ha ha
Posted at 12:21 AM | Permalink | TrackBacks (0)
