February 28, 2008

February 25, 2008

(Monday is myrln's day to blog here at Kalilily Time.)

NADER'S NADIR

Once upon a time there was a man named Ralph Nader, a tireless champion. He spoke up on behalf of the American working class by taking on industry and big business and government. He ceaselessly showed up their shortcomings, their lack of concern or care for consumer's safety and pocket books. Product after product, business after business, government policy (or lack) after policy put the almighty dollar ahead of people. So Nader took the abusers on.

And he so rallied the working class to his side that he actually forced Big $$$ and government to make changes. Changes that actually benefited consumers -- meaning all of us. He was a hero and deserved all the credit in the world. The big shots hated him.

Today, there's still a Ralph Nader. But it's a different story. He still takes on the power elite, tho' with much less success. He is particularly critical of politics and government failures -- all good intentions and a necessary voice (tho' largely unheard). Only now he's complicated matters: he insists on running for President as a third-party candidate. Some would say he's obsessed with it. Others that he's delusional, which may be nearer the truth because when he's reminded his last run likely cost Al Gore the presidency and stuck us with what we got (remember Florida?), the current Ralph Nader disagrees and denies. What about the Democrats and Republicans, he asks, and their support of war, attacks on freedom, and free-hand function for big business? All valid points -- but whose hopeless candidacy gave us George W. Bush, Ralph? (Remember Florida?)

But he insists on running yet again -- even tho' he makes no inroads toward valid ends, even though he holds such huge responsibility for the presence of the incumbent in the White House. If he can't see that, he indeed at least borders on the delusional.

Ralph: REMEMBER FLORIDA? Apparently not. Too bad. It fries all the respect he once attained.

Nader's nadir.

February 23, 2008

Not, not me. My mom.

When she's on her 16 hours-awake binge, she talks in rapid fire nonsense, can't stop moving. If I can get her to sit down and eat anything, her foot taps on the floor like an idling motor, just waiting for the gas pedal to be depressed.

She opens drawers, moves her belongings around so that, later, I can never find what it is she decides she wants. She bends over and roots around in the bottom of her closet, packing and unpacking her shoes into a duffel bag. When she stands up, she's on the verge of falling over. Her back hurts. Her arm hurts. But I can't get her to stop. She is driven by her dementia.

Sometimes she will sit long enough to eat something, sometimes not. She rants about people stealing her money, her shoes, her dishes. It doesn't help that I show her the shoes, the money, the clothes. She is beyond reason. The world is dangerous and deceptive as far as she is concerned. She refuses to take any of her meds, and that only makes things worse. Eventually, she will collapse and sleep.

After sleeping away most of the past few days, she again started in with her manic behavior this morning. I slipped her med into her mouth (it dissolves on her tongue) and in fifteen minutes she had calmed down enough to have some of her fake coffee and toast.

And then she went back to sleep and is still sleeping.

She says she always feels cold, even under her electric blanket.

There is so much I should be doing to clean up my own space, to keep on with the purging of stuff. Instead, I shuffle around, waiting for the electric eye alarm to go off to let me know that she is up.

I am not used to living in such personal stasis. I have always courted change, created it if necessary. Here, my days are caught up in the cycles of her dementia.

In slow motion, I plant seeds, shred mounds of old paper files, watch my hair grow out gray. If I can just keep moving forward in these small steps, keep making small changes, I will survive.

I sure can use some of her manic energy.

February 20, 2008

I've been trying to find the time to plant the seeds I want to grow for my planter garden this spring. (No more dig-in-the-earth garden, where pests of all sizes devoured what I had last year.)

The sunny day seemed auspicious for planting, so I got out my supplies and got to it.

I planted seeds for flowers that might not be too tasty to the critters who munched and lunched here all last summer. Mostly, I planted ornamental hot pepper plants -- colorful fruit and foliage, and inedible by, or unappetizingly firey to, any living creature. But they sure do look pretty in pots.

Perhaps the full lunar eclipse tonight will also mean that it is an auspicious time for planting seeds. I guess I will find out in a few weeks time.

Meanwhile, I hope this also is an auspicious time to open up my CPU and insert more RAM. I printed out instructions, and am ready to tackle another project I've been waiting to find time to do.

My mother has had a few days of either sleeping for 16 hours straight or being up for 16 hours straight. Her 92nd birthday was on Monday. On Tuesday, we had a local Polish Catholic priest over for lunch. They knew each other well back at the old parish in Yonkers. She doesn't remember him. But he remembers her and tried to talk to her about the old days. She sat and listened, and the only thing she seemed to be able to say was "How long have you been here?"

She is growing smaller and lighter, a drying pod waiting to fall.

Over in the corner, seeds wait to wake.

Now I will go out and watch the eclipse.

Then I will tackle the RAM.

Auspicious days are too few.

February 18, 2008

(Monday is myrln's day to blog here at Kalilily Time.)

GOING WHERE?

One day soon, Spring will show up, and our attention will begin to turn to summertime travel...just getting us out of the grime and racket of the city or the cheese of suburbia. But sometimes, even just the shore or the mountains -- customary destinations -- seem not as inspiring as usual. We feel the need for something even more different. And there's real possibility as an alternative. How about trips to weird? No, not weird events but weird in an unexpected way. How about we go to places with weird or hooting funny names. The country's littered with them...honest.

For example, we could go to BIRD IN HAND, Pennsylvania. Or better yet, how about that state's INTERCOURSE? (Yeah...honest.) Or maybe to Massachusetts for BRAINTREE (don't you just wanna see that?) or TINKERTOWN (do they makes toys or pots and pans there?). Or maybe to New York for CAHOONZIE and CUDDEBACKVILLE...which are not far from each other. Or SHINHOPPLE. Or another two towns not far from each other: SURPRISE and CLIMAX. (They could do an exchange program with INTERCOURSE -- see above). If you prefer the west coast, then try Oregon. They've got SWEET HOME, and BEND, and IRONSIDE (no, Raymond Burr doesn't live there). They even have LOOKINGGLASS and LOOKING GLASS, one near TENILLE (not Toni) and the other near TOLLGATE on opposite sides of the state.

But the champion state for weird place-names is New Jersey. It's as if they had a competition or something. Some are not weird names but unusual sounding, probably directly from original native American tribes or places -- like MAHWAH and HOHOKUS. But the later settlers went to extremes. You can visit KITTATINNY LAKE, if you want. Or take trip over to FORT NONSENSE or MILLSTONE (which might weigh you down). Or maybe try HOPTCONG or NETCONG (neither of which has Viet Cong). If you get hungry, you can go to CHEESEQUAKE or BIVALVE or CINNAMONSON. Shopping? Try BARGAINTOWN. Wanna meet some new women? Spin over to NORMA or SHIRLEY or DOROTHY. But somebody in Jersey had the good sense to remember all that driving around often leads to serious bodily needs. So they've thoughtfully provided a LEEKTOWN...which could go with the food group, yeah, but....

You don't need to stay at any of the towns listed...just drive on through. You can also find your own weird additions to the list. But take pictures of the roadsigns that announce where you've arrived. Otherwise, nobody back home'll believe you when you tell them where you went.

Going my way?

February 17, 2008

... but, instead I've turned my back on the chaos of clothes surrounding me and lose myself in the only space of mine in which I have any control.

My email includes one of Jim Culleny's daily poems.

I get to the last line and my heart leaps into my throat.

February 16, 2008

I have not been a supporter of the Hillary Clinton campaign, but I was given a good smack on the head by an article by Robin Morgan, which, among other things, makes this point:

So why should all women not be as justly proud of our womanhood and the centuries, even millennia, of struggle that got us this far, as black Americans, women and men, are justly proud of their struggles?

Morgan pointedly criticizes this campaign...

... where he has to pass as white (which whites—especially wealthy ones—adore), while she has to pass as male (which both men and women demanded of her, and then found unforgivable). If she were black or he were female we wouldn’t be having such problems, and I for one would be in heaven. But at present such a candidate wouldn’t stand a chance—even if she shared Condi Rice’s Bush-defending politics.

And she reminds me of why I am a devoted feminist:

Women have endured sex/race/ethnic/religious hatred, rape and battery, invasion of spirit and flesh, forced pregnancy; being the majority of the poor, the illiterate, the disabled, of refugees, caregivers, the HIV/AIDS afflicted, the powerless. We have survived invisibility, ridicule, religious fundamentalisms, polygamy, teargas, forced feedings, jails, asylums, sati, purdah, female genital mutilation, witch burnings, stonings, and attempted gynocides. We have tried reason, persuasion, reassurances, and being extra-qualified, only to learn it never was about qualifications after all. We know that at this historical moment women experience the world differently from men—though not all the same as one another—and can govern differently, from Elizabeth Tudor to Michele Bachelet and Ellen Johnson Sirleaf.

Morgan's lengthy piece brings the issue of electing Hillary Clinton into focus.

Hillary said she found her own voice in New Hampshire. There’s not a woman alive who, if she’s honest, doesn’t recognize what she means. Then HRC got drowned out by campaign experts, Bill, and media’s obsession with everything Bill.

And she ends with:

Me? I support Hillary Rodham because she’s the best qualified of all candidates running in both parties. I support her because her progressive politics are as strong as her proven ability to withstand what will be a massive right-wing assault in the general election. I support her because she knows how to get us out of Iraq. I support her because she’s refreshingly thoughtful, and I’m bloodied from eight years of a jolly “uniter” with ejaculatory politics. I needn’t agree with her on every point. I agree with the 97 percent of her positions that are identical with Obama’s—and the few where hers are both more practical and to the left of his (like health care). I support her because she’s already smashed the first-lady stereotype and made history as a fine senator, because I believe she will continue to make history not only as the first US woman president, but as a great US president.

As for the “woman thing”?

Me, I’m voting for Hillary not because she’s a woman—but because I am.

The above excerpts can't really capture the force and fury of Morgan's article. Go and read the whole thing here.

February 14, 2008

I can't remember when the last time was that someone sent me a Valentine. And it's apparent, as I continue to sort through all of the stuff I've been carting around all of these years, that I didn't think any that I got in the past were important enough to save.

Except for this one, from about 28 years ago, by the little guy who still thought is was OK to give his mother a Valentine card:

February 11, 2008

(Monday is myrln's day to blog here at Kalilily Time.)

BANK ON IT

In a bit over two weeks from today, on February 26, a new bank is opening on an island near the Arctic Circle. Unlike other banks, though, it won't offer cd's or checking or savings accounts. So we won't be offered mp3's or toasters or anything at all in return for new accounts. In fact, this bank doesn't even want us there to poke around, which is why they put it in such a godforsaken place (or devilforsaken, depending on your inclinations).

You see, this bank is of a kind that illustrates a rarely-seen side of the human species: foresight. This bank, a product by Norway, will be a storage site for over 200,000 varieties of plant seeds from all around the world. That, in effect, makes it a gene bank for crops of all kinds, like oats, peas, beans, and barley (grow), and rice, wheat, lentils and so on. The Norwegians undertook this "doomsday vault," as it's been called, as a service to the world: the Svalbard Global Seed Vault.

The point of it is to preserve agriculture in its myriad forms in case some manmade or natural disaster should destroy it, in part or in whole. This seed vault is said to be capable of preserving the vitality of the stored sees for thousands of years. That means they might well outlast the human race itself which has a greater predilection for destructive -- rather than preservative -- endeavors. Hey, we built the atom bomb, didn't we, and then of course had to use it to see how well it worked?

But this Norwegian gift to the world is a truly admirable effort -- something the rest of us should consider as a model to emulate for saving us from ourselves.

Thanks, Norway.

*** ***

Now that the politicos have agreed on terms for our tax rebates (and making it seem as it we're getting a gift from them), here's something else we can look forward to: starting in May (the month after we've just paid our taxes) when the checks start finding their way into our mitts: the price of everything will go up.

We can bank on it.

With this post is a reminder to often check out 3 quarks daily, a group blog for those who like to have their brains prodded.

I read the post that linked to this soon after I had a look at some photos that my amateur photographer daughter had been playing with, using some trial software. The item is about "computational photography" and is about innovations in digital cameras, but the concept includes innovations in software a well.

This landscape photo of hers, for example, she transformed to look as though it had brush strokes in it. This one turned into a watercolor.

What will these new technological capacities for creating "art" mean for the value (monetary, aesthetic, and historical) of the more traditional artist?

And it's not just the two-dimensional visual arts techniques that are changing. Creative writing has reached a new frontier as well. 3 quarks daily cites an article in The Guardian that reports:

The book-writing machine works simply, at least in principle. First, one feeds it a recipe for writing a particular genre of book - a tome about crossword puzzles, say, or a market outlook for products. Then hook the computer up to a big database full of info about crossword puzzles or market information. The computer uses the recipe to select data from the database and write and format it into book form.

Phillip M. Parker, the inventor of the system, gives his reason for inventing it:

"there is a need for a method and apparatus for authoring, marketing, and/or distributing title materials automatically by a computer." He explains that "further, there is a need for an automated system that eliminates or substantially reduces the costs associated with human labour, such as authors, editors, graphic artists, data analysts, translators, distributors, and marketing personnel.

I can't help wondering if the next steps will be to program machines to actually do the painting, take and make the photos, write the books, make the movies......

Will actual human creative processes become obsolete and will we become -- as we almost are already -- just consumers??

Will the offspring of Roomba leave no place for future Rembrandts?

February 10, 2008

It's six o'clock on Sunday. My mother went to bed around midnight last night, and she's still sleeping. That's 18 hours.

We tried to wake her up, but she only mumbled something about her whole body aching. We check her periodically to see if she's still breathing, the way new parents do with their new baby.

I take a shower and wash my hair and make sure I have all her medical information is ready. In case.

What if she sleeps through tonight. Do we take her to the hospital. Do we just keep an eye on her and wait until she wakes up by herself. If she does. What if she doesn't.

These are questions, but I write them as statements because no one has the answers. It's one day, one hour at a time.

I spent hours this morning, while she slept, shredding old bill statements, throwing out things I'll never use and probably no one else will, packing up more books to take to the library, and filling bags of odds and ends for the Salvation Army.

I am letting go.

Is she, also?

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She woke up at 8 pm, weak and disoriented. I got her to take her meds, and then I fed her some Jello. And then some homemade turkey soup with pastina. A cup of her fake coffee and a couple of cookies later, she felt better. It's now after midnight, and she's still up and weepy again. My brother is watching tv with her. I need to sleep, because I'm sure that, when she's finally ready for bed, I'm going to have to lie down with her.

What do they do with dementia patients in nursing homes who won't go to sleep and want to go home?? That's not a rhetorical question.

February 08, 2008

I guess I don't have enough distraction in my life because I seem to spend too much time buying and/or trying new products that look interesting.

Recently I was sent some samples of a skin moisturizer called Theraplex. I was particularly interested in the Emollient, which is supposed to help the kind of skin I have on my feet -- winter dry and scaly. So, after getting off as much of the callouses and outer dry skin as I could with my new PedEgg (see below), I slathered on the Theraplex emollient and put on a pair of socks for the night. I ran out of the samples after two nights, but by then, my feet were almost as soft as a baby's butt.

The one complaint I have about the Emollient is that it makes your feet feel a little tacky to the touch. But putting socks on and letting the moisturizer soak in overnight makes that complaint a very minor one.

I also tried the HydroLotion on both me and my mother. While it did a great job as a protective moisturizer, neither of us liked the way it felt on our faces -- too sticky.

The ClearLotion, on the other hand, smoothly soaked right in. When I used it on my 91-year-old mother's face, my brother (who didn't know I had done that) commented that she must be feeling very relaxed because she seemed to have fewer wrinkles.

So, thumbs up for the Emollient and ClearLotion. The HydroLotion needs a little more work.

What doesn't need any work at all is the PedEgg, which, as far as I'm concerned, does exactly what the ads say it will do.

And so does the Samurai Shark. For the first time in memory, every pair of scissors and every knife I own is sharp.

February 07, 2008

She treats me like a handmaiden, issuing one-word commands that I'm expected to obey immediately. Coffee. Tissue. Shoes. Bathroom. (OK, well I do obey the "bathroom" command immediately.) Sometimes she can't think of the word, and so she's developed hand signals to indicate what she wants. She expects me to be with her all of the time. She even wants me to sleep with her. We are back to the boundary-less childhood from which I couldn't wait to escape.

I took a day off today, drove to Albany for lunch with my former work colleagues, including our boss. We are all female.

My cell phone rang while I was there. My brother had dialed my number for my mother. For ten minutes she wailed and ranted on the phone, mostly gibberish, but also condemnations for leaving her for my "girl friends" and threats to burn the house down and break everything in it. She laid on the guilt, guilt, guilt. "You've got to come home right now," she kept insisting. I told her that I would be home soon, soon.

Five minutes later the phone rang again. It was my brother, chastising me for the glass shelf in the refrigerator being sticky. Clean it yourself, I tell him.

When I finally get home and walk in the door, she just misses hitting me in the face with the handle of her cane. She's still mad. Hadn't eaten all day. Wouldn't take her meds. So much for brother as caregiver.

I think that she would be happier in a good Catholic nursing home, where she would have activities and people around to distract her, daily mass to attend. But my brother won't allow it. And he has Power of Attorney.

Meanwhile, I am held hostage to her increasing dementia, and I am making plans for my escape.

February 06, 2008

Now, here's a blog that it takes me a long while to read because there's so much good stuff in it, including links to other good stuff.

Go to http://3quarksdaily.blogs.com/3quarksdaily/ , grab a cup of coffee or tea, and make sure you're awake.

February 04, 2008

(Monday is myrln's day to blog here at Kalilily Time.)

THISSA AND THATTA

Thissa: Moving into a greener world (as the term goes) is an urgent matter. But as we make that move, we ought to be careful about choices and making them fixtures. And speaking of fixtures, one of the green decisions is that which will move us from incandescent light bulbs to screw-in fluorescents to reduce energy consumption. A commendable objective to be sure, but is this a really good way to go?

It's no secret (or shouldn't be) that the fluorescents contain mercury, and we can only wonder what happens when -- after they burn out -- we start dumping millions of them into our landfills. Where do we suppose all that mercury's going to go as the bulbs get crushed? Into our environment, that's where. And a recent item in Parade Magazine this week also noted that the fluorescents with their barely noticeable flicker can cause migraines or seizures. They also can aggravate skin rashes for people with lupus, eczema, and other skin conditions. The makers say the new bulbs have been improved so we don't have to worry. Wanna risk it?

It was also noted what to do if a bulb breaks. Don't vacuum it up cuz the debris can spread toxic dust into the air. Nope. Leave it where it lies and depart the room for 15 minutes. Then with gloves on, put the "fragments into a plastic bag, seal it and take it to a recycling center."

This is progress? Sounds more like stupidity. The neon manufacturers must have a good lobby.

***

Thatta: Speaking of a greener world and good lobbies: Exxon Mobil reports a profit this past year of $45.6 BILLION dollars. That's pure profit. Aren't you pleased at how much you helped the company by paying their higher prices? Now we have to root for them to get a really good tax rebate from Dumbya and Darth...both of whom have been real good to the industry they have big ties to.

$45.6 BILLION in profit.

Oh, and while we're on the oil business, some folks buying new cars to improve their gas mileage have found they're getting much worse mileage than they're supposed to be getting. Why? Cuz it turns out that E-gas -- which includes the corn-based ethanol -- doesn't burn as well as plain gas. But let's remember, ethanol's our savior. And will improve the profit line of oil companies as we spend more cuz we burn more.

Be less corn on the cob next summer, too.

February 02, 2008

She has trained me to adapt to her routines, my fat old lady cat. You can train a dog, but your cat trains you.

Each morning, after she eats and comes down the stairs, she goes to the door to the breezeway and waits for me to open it so that she can look out through the patio doors and check the weather. Of course, I comply.

When she decides to go out, she likes to go out the front door, take a stroll around the house, check for new scents, and then sit at the back door expecting to be let in. I have learned her "constitutional" routine, and now I obediently give her enough time for her walk and then obediently open the back door for her.

She likes her tablespoon treat of wet cat food twice a day at mid-morning and mid-afternoon, and if I forget, she comes and finds me and gives me a sharp tap on my leg to let me know that she's waiting.

I have become a creature of her habits.

The affection that so many of us have for out cats made this poem (one of Jim Culleny's daily ones) even more poignant.