January 30, 2008

Macbeth is not the only one who yearns for "sleep that knits up the ravell'd sleeve of care."

My mother has spent the past two nights unable to sleep. That means we don't sleep either.

And here's yet another reason to love the Internet.

At midnight, I get onto Google and search for "elderly insomnia." Lots of information there, including suggestions for drugs such as Lunesta and Desyrel.

I decide to take another tack and re-educate myself about our circadian rhythms and the function of the pineal gland (the famous "Third Eye") in producing melatonin, which makes us feel drowsy.

My mother gets practically no daylight, which means that her pineal gland is probably not producing enough melatonin. On top of that, her brain atrophy might be affecting the pineal gland as well, since it's located in the deep middle of the brain.

In the back of my "pill" shelf (you know, Omega 3, Resveratrol, MicoMedicinals, and other stuff I buy and then forget to take), I find a bottle of sublingual melatonin, 2.5 mg.

I take one and give one to my mother.

It's now 1:16 a.m. We are both still up, but it can take more than an hour for the melatonin to kick in.

Yawn.

January 28, 2008

The following post is by MYRLN, a non-blogger who is Kalilily Time's guest writer every Monday.

YOUR COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE

The original version of the movie "Rollerball" with James Caan, ostensibly about that mad, violent sporting event, actually depicted a country wholly under the control of big business. "Just a movie," people said. Oh, yeah? Perhaps you missed the news last week that IBM had settled a suit filed by its employees. The company agreed to finally pony-up overtime pay it had been withholding from workers. "So what do you want?" you might say. "They're paying it. Case closed."

Not quite. You see, in order to pay the withheld monies, IBM decided it needed an infusion of fresh cash. So what'd it do? It reduced employee salaries by 15% in order to pay for the settlement. Honest.

*** ***

Then there's the newly agreed upon rebate of tax monies announced the other day. To fix a lagging economy and avert a recession, we are told. How? Well, you see, the idea is for the government to give back some of our tax money to us. Then we're supposed to go right out and spend it, thus infusing the economy with fresh cash. In other words, "Here's your allowance, go spend it in as many places as you like, only spend it. Right away."

In further other words, go get that money in the hands of big business so they get richer, even though they're getting their own kinds of rebates in tax reductions and are already subsidized by the government at our expense. But what's really important for us is to be sure that CEOs get their multi-million/billion bonuses so their families don't suffer any inconvenience. Boy, are they breathing a sigh of relief that we care so much about their welfare...oops, forbidden word.

*** ***

Hillary-ous says South Carolina picked on her by defeating her so badly. Now she's vowed to cry throughout Super Tuesday to be sure she gets a fair shot.

***

Wonder why our national media have daily focused our attention mainly on Clinton and Obama, deciding they're the only viable candidates in the Democratic Party? Easy, they provide fodder for tabloid-like sensationalism: first woman prez or first black prez. The hell with the real issues. What matters is media deciding who's important and who's not.

***

Your country 'tis of thee.

January 27, 2008

Got the following in an email. Hormones combined with stresses were always a disaster for me. I no longer have the hormones, but I sure do have the stress. And I do remember those old PMS and menopausal hormone horrors..

Q: How many women going through MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

I'm sorry. What was the question?

January 26, 2008

The other day I logged onto Amazon.com's new music download site.

The first and only song I so far have downloaded is Josh Groban's Vincent.

As I was on No Utopia tonight, I noticed a link to a video of Don McClean's original version, amplified with images of Van Gogh's paintings.

Go and watch it.

January 25, 2008

The following poem is from one of Jim Culleny's daily poetry emails:

January 24, 2008

I figured it was only a matter of time before I hit something with my new car. The time was yesterday.

I felt so virtuous, taking bags and bags of my already-read books to the local library. As I was leaving my parking space in the library lot, I misjudged my distance from a big boulder as I pulled forward after backing up. Arrggh. There goes my bumper.

I figure that the first accident is like the first kiss. Once you get it out of the way, you can relax and enjoy the ride.

January 22, 2008

That has wound up her sleeping schedule, one a.m. to one p.m. And sometimes she actually sleeps until it's almost supper time.

They used to call it "hardening of the arteries," , the condition that is causing her vascular dementia. It doesn't matter that I feed her healthy food now. Almost 92 years of kielbasa is a very long time. It's too late to take the cholesterol medicine she has always refused to take.

Yesterday morning she woke up at 8 a.m. agitated and muttering "We have to get out of here." "We are going crazy." When she tried to stand up her legs gave out. "Who's beating me?" she asked. "Everything hurts."

Every once in a while, in one of her altered states, she says, "I'm sick. I'm dying." And then she cries.

There's not much we can do except try to reassure her in calm, easy voices. We are here, we say. You are not alone, we say. Everything is OK. We will not leave you.

January 21, 2008

The following post is by MYRLN, a non-blogger who is Kalilily Time's guest writer every Monday

WORD SURGERY

In curious ways, words contain surprises we don't always (if ever) notice -- some of them can break down into two or more words having no relationship to the original word's meaning. In the previous sentence, for example, the word "relationship" can be broken into two words: "relation" and "ship". But words with certain suffixes, like "-ship" or "-ion" or "-tic", "-ant", and "-able" make
finding breakable words easier and thus a little less fun in the finding. But sometimes they're fun, too, especially when finding the more difficult kind becomes frustrating.

Indeed, the same applies to many words sharing particular prefixes like "in-" (as in "in-deed", "in-tent") or "be-" (as in "be-have", "be-rate"). Also less fun and too easy to identify are those long-ago manufactured compounds, like "fare-well" or "eye-sight." But again, they can be fun to recognize, too.

The real gems, however, are those words that have none of the above characteristics and at first glance might be unrecognizable. They're the ones that break down into fun, surprising, and often funny new words with no connection to or sometimes totally opposite in meaning or sense from the original. Sometimes one comes along that requires a surprising piece of punctuation, say an apostrophe, to make the split work. So have some fun, find the kind of words in your life that break into new words.

Below is a list to demonstrate some oddities of our words (including, as examples, a few with the kinds of prefixes, suffixes, and compounds mentioned above): understand... information... basically... cinematic... imaging (apostrophe required)... advice...supervisor... outage... season...mattresses... archbishop... miserable... realtor... forgotten (2 or 3 new words there)... tomcruise (:-))... protestant... manhattan... belong... designate lobby... candidate... cowardice... support... forage.

But one of the best of all: therapist.

Have fun.

January 19, 2008

My cat is throwing up on my mother's rug while she's in the bathroom having a dementia meltdown.

My brother is yelling at me because I took his clothes out of the dryer (and put them in a laundry basket) so that I could put my mother's clothes (that I gathered and spot sprayed and washed) in the dryer.

I finally get my mother settled in her recliner to watch the Catholic mass on EWTN. The priest is already in the middle of his sermon, disparaging global warming because of something to do with God putting the sun up there for us.

While I make my mother lunch, I am half listening to what the priest is saying, and it sure sounds like unrealistic nonsense to me -- admonitions to live by the Church's rules, a disempowering assertion of who's the real boss of you.

I can't see how any of that sermonizing can be of much help to anyone searching for guidance in how to give personal meaning to the actual time he/she spends on this planet.

What I believe is that where psychology and spirituality (not religion) overlap , it is at that broad intersection where one can discover one's own power as an individual living in this place at this time. I am not using the word "spirituality" in any theistic sense, but rather in the sense of our animating energy, whatever it is that inspires us, awes us, puts a fire in our bellies. One's own "spirit." "Soul."

The shaman of ancient cultures knew how to create that intersection. I think that the best of today's therapists understand how to do that for today's seekers.

January 18, 2008

Tom Cruise has taken a lot of criticism from a lot of fronts. And now there's a video of him extolling Scientology viralling around the internet. (There's no such word as "viralling" but I think it captures the spiraling viral video phenomenon.)

It seems to me that Cruise is, indeed, the poster boy for how Scientology works when it's successful. He's confident in himself and his decisions -- enough to carry on his purposeful life despite harsh criticisms. He feels a sense of humanitarian responsibility and he acts on that sense. He's learned to be a positive thinker and the kind of person who actually practices what he preaches. His energy is focused, his goals ambitious, and he has a support system that really does provide philosophical as well as practical support.

Hmm. What would happen if all "religions," all philosophies, were able to provide that kind of practical and motivating support?

I don't think that you have to be a Scientologist to achieve those senses of confidence, caring, and contribution. But it's hard figuring it all out by yourself, hard keeping motivated, hard remaining positive in a negative environment.

Scientology seems like the ultimate support system for individuals serious about attaining their dreams. Unlike many other spiritual approaches, it seems to prod you to get off your duff and DO. Not just contemplate, but ACT. And, more importantly, it gives you the psychological tools to enable you to move ahead in your chosen life's path.

As a young man, my father read Norman Vincent Peale's "The Power of Positive Thinking." and Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Throughout his life, he made good use of what he learned from those books.

From what I've read about Scientology, it seems to build on the techniques put forth in those two books, and it puts its own spin on the process of self-actualization.

There are many successful members of Scientology, and many of those are from the fields of the performing arts, which are very competitive and stressful.

I imagine that Scientology's "can do" philosophy has helped them persevere in their chosen careers, helped them to overcome obstacles to success. No wonder that so many of them have found a psychological and "spiritual" home in Scientology.

My Dad had Norman Vincent Peale and Dale Carnegie and his Polish Catholic parish. Together, they worked for him.

Tom Cruise has Scientology.

Hey, it works for him.

January 17, 2008

You know who you are. And this poem (from Jim Culleny's daily poetry emails) knows how it goes.

January 16, 2008

Aside from getting up and walking around (with help), aside from sleeping, eating and (uh, well, you know), aside from carrying on usually incoherent conversations because she refuses to admit she can't hear, aside from slipping into dementia at the least hint of stress, there is not much my mother can do but watch television.

Except anything with violence or anything the least bit sexual sends her off into one of her "episodes," which involve wailing about "where can I go," and/or "don't leave me," and/or just holding her head and crying and asking for her mother.

And so, luckily, we found the Hallmark Channel, where stories about little kids and dogs and old people abound. Little House on the Prairie is one of her favorites.

The Hallmark Channel also seems to be the place where second stringers and old timers wind up when the major networks have moved them out. I even saw Rory Calhoun (whose handsome face adorned my teenage walls) in one of the Hallmark movies made in the 90s.

All day and well into the evening, I can usually find something on the Hallmark Channel that my mother will sit and watch. And if it happens to be time for "Murder She Wrote," we just switch to ABC Family. That's usually good for a kid or two.

And, while I'm reluctant to admit it, I'm kind of hooked on Kyle XY.

If all else fails, we always have TVLand, where Andy Griffith and the Beaver never fail to hold her attention. (But not Lucy, who mom thinks is too crazy.)

Although we also sometimes watch the musicals on Turner Classic Movies, the awful truth is I'm getting to enjoy the Hallmark Channel too. Something about watching movies and programs depicting life as it never is/was but rather as the child in us wishes it would be.

January 15, 2008

We are living in a world in which extremes are becoming commonplace. Television, starving for the substance provided by the striking writers, tries to entice us with a range of extreme papcrap -- extreme sports, extreme makeovers, even a new drama called "Extreme."

This week's Harper's Weekly shares some extreme newsbits, the links to which can be found in this version. The following are excerpts:

Finally, and maybe the most relevant of all:

It certainly does seem so, doesn't it?

No, this is not about Hillary getting a little tiredly teary eyed. That's getting plenty of attention, both negative and positive.

This is about the current research comparing how male vs. female brains save emotional memories. The reports on this research began today on NBC's Nightly News.

When it comes to storing emotionally-rich memories women’s brain place the memory in a part where emotions and details remain intertwined. For men the emotions get separated so the recall often becomes “just the facts”. This makes for some amusing scenarios like the couple we show with differing memories of their wedding day. But it could also have medical applications. Women suffer almost twice as much depression as men. This difference in brain function could account for that and someday suggest better treatments.

Actually, maybe this all does have something to do with Hillary's tears, because the question arises whether it might be a good thing for a president to remember facts in the context of emotions/feelings, for a president's approach to the handling of difficult situations to be more deeply nuanced than has been the case. Experience, after all, is never "just the facts." And the ability to distill experience into a problem-solving context is essential to effective and humane leadership. Of course, that's not the only essential quality, but that's not what what this post is about.

We know from decades of research that, in general, boys and girls tend to learn differently. It's as though there's a continuum, with more boys on one end, more girls on the other, and an increased overlapping as they get to the middle of the spectrum.

NBC's Nightly News announced that a future broadcast will look at whether single sex education works better for both boys and girls. As a former teacher, my position is that it might for some boys and some girls.

But, I believe that most kids benefit most from integrated classrooms with teachers who honor and provide for individual differences in learning styles. It seems like that's asking a lot of teachers, but, after all, that's what they had to do when there were one-room schoolhouses.

It seems that women are more likely to get teary than men because their brains are wired to keep emotions easily accessible, to perceive and react to a synthesis of facts and feelings. Our male dominated culture has programmed us to believe that a "female" approach to problem solving is not as good as "male" (which tends to focus on "just the facts").

I read on Ronni Bennett's Time Goes By that surveys and pundits are telling us that older women are voting for Senator Clinton in droves because she is a woman.

Ronni goes on to post this quote from the November 27 issue of The New York Times:

“’I told her that my grandmother was the first person in town to vote, and my mother was the second,’ said Mrs. Smith, who was born three months before the 19th Amendment was ratified in 1920. ‘And I told her I was born before women could vote, and I want to live long enough to see a woman in the White House.’”

jWell, I would like to live long enough to see a woman in the White House too. And I don't hold it against Hillary that she allowed herself to show some emotion.

There are other things I hold against her and her politics.

January 14, 2008

The following post is by MYRLN, a non-blogger who is Kalilily Time's guest writer every Monday

HILLARY-OUS

The carpetbagger Senator from New York began articulating some specific plans this past week. "We dug a big hole," she said, "we've got to dig ourselves out. I'm going to pass out shovels to everyone." She made that remark as part of the undetailed policies she's proposing on energy and taxation, which would require up to $110 billion in tax breaks and government aid to jump-start the economy. But she admittedly has no proposed means of paying for such a program. Nor for the shovels.

And that's odd, because last month she sang a different tune. Then she very firmly and pointedly said, "I am not proposing anything I don't have way to pay for."

Now there's a "change" for ya. Talk about your "fairy tales." The nature of her presidency, it seems, would depend upon which state you live in. Maybe she can get it down to which block you live on.

Sure hope our shovels get here soon cuz the horse-puckey from Camp Clinton is getting deep in a hurry. Pretty soon we'll need bull*dozers to clean up.

January 13, 2008

Even though I'm not what I used to be, I'm not ready to be put out to pasture yet. But I think I am ready to stop coloring my hair.

If my natural hair color at this point were all gray, I wouldn't hesitate. What it is, however, is gray in the front and sides and that dull mousy brown (with a few gray strands here and there} in the rest.

Googling around o see what my options are to liven up my dull old mare hair should I opt to grow it out, I wound up at a brand new blog called "Going Gray."

I will keep checking in there, looking for inspiration and motivation to actually go gray. But with style, of course, Always with style.

January 09, 2008

A woman friend emailed me and asked me what my problem is with Hillary Clinton.

I spent almost 20 years trying to be a change agent in a government agency. What I learned was that, unless you learn the game, you can't win. And once you learn the game, it's hard not to get sucked into playing it the way it's set up, the way the big money players set it up. Not your way. Their way.

Hillary Clinton knows how the politics game is played, and she has learned when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em in order to get some wins. There's an advantage in that experience. And I would love to have a woman president of this country.

There is no doubt in my mind that Hillary Clinton can manage the machinations that underlie how this country is run. I believe that she can do a fine job as president. She knows how to work hard and make things work.

I also think that what this country needs is an inspirational leader. Barack Obama is a much better inspirational leader than Clinton. But I believe that he has not yet had enough experience with the Washington game, with knowing how and where to work hard to make things work.

That's why I support John Edwards. I think that he is capable of inspirationally leading this country, and he is he has the experience to effectively manage the tough duties of the presidency.

Nevertheless, Gloria Steinem's piece in the New York Times prompts me to think a little more about Clinton's candidacy. Steinem says:

.

...So why is the sex barrier not taken as seriously as the racial one? The reasons are as pervasive as the air we breathe: because sexism is still confused with nature as racism once was; because anything that affects males is seen as more serious than anything that affects “only” the female half of the human race; because children are still raised mostly by women (to put it mildly) so men especially tend to feel they are regressing to childhood when dealing with a powerful woman; because racism stereotyped black men as more “masculine” for so long that some white men find their presence to be masculinity-affirming (as long as there aren’t too many of them); and because there is still no “right” way to be a woman in public power without being considered a you-know-what.

I’m not advocating a competition for who has it toughest. The caste systems of sex and race are interdependent and can only be uprooted together. That’s why Senators Clinton and Obama have to be careful not to let a healthy debate turn into the kind of hostility that the news media love. Both will need a coalition of outsiders to win a general election. The abolition and suffrage movements progressed when united and were damaged by division; we should remember that.

I’m supporting Senator Clinton because like Senator Obama she has community organizing experience, but she also has more years in the Senate, an unprecedented eight years of on-the-job training in the White House, no masculinity to prove, the potential to tap a huge reservoir of this country’s talent by her example, and now even the courage to break the no-tears rule. I’m not opposing Mr. Obama; if he’s the nominee, I’ll volunteer. Indeed, if you look at votes during their two-year overlap in the Senate, they were the same more than 90 percent of the time. Besides, to clean up the mess left by President Bush, we may need two terms of President Clinton and two of President Obama.

But what worries me is that he is seen as unifying by his race while she is seen as divisive by her sex.

What worries me is that she is accused of “playing the gender card” when citing the old boys’ club, while he is seen as unifying by citing civil rights confrontations.

It would be great to have a woman president. It would be great to have an African American president.

But I still think that John Edwards would make a greater president than either of the other two.

January 08, 2008

1. My daughter finally launched her own weblog. Her brother, b!X is one of the very early bloggers, and I was close behind him. Now we are three. Hmm. "The family that blogs together...." (slogs together?)

2. My mom will be getting some oversight by a nurse and some physical therapy from a home care agency that takes Medicare. What I've discovered is that such agencies are authorized by Medicare to only give short-term care to deal with the results of specific illness or conditions. To get the whole home care support system for the long haul, one has to be on Medicaid, not Medicare. I'm not glad about that part.

3. David Letterman took the first leap of faith and had his production company enter into a contract that the members of the Writers Guild of America consider to be fair. Tom Cruise and his reconstituted United Artists are follow ing his lead. I would love to see all of those megamogul producers left out in left field.

4. It will be 60 degrees here today. At least that's what the weather report is saying.

5. I didn't lose the tooth that the crown fell off of. The dentist just cemented it back on, old root canal post and all.

January 07, 2008

The following post is by MYRLN, a non-blogger who is Kalilily Time's guest writer every Monday.

IOWA...HUH?

This won't be long since it basically consists of a question which has no apparent answer: Did Iowa win a lottery or something making it the most important state in the Union?

It needs to be asked since all media have been focusing our combined attentions on Iowa for what seems like forever, doing polls, interviews, debates -- all because of the Iowa caucuses. Now, finally, the caucuses have been held and winners announced (sort of since 2nd and 3rd place finishers are like winners, too), and then...everybody went to New Hampshire. The caucuses amount to nothing more than a sort of public head count, but nothing is really decided. Nobody really knows who the voters of Iowa support since only those who could or bothered to attend a caucus at a specific, limited time and period of the day were counted (approximately a quarter of a million people). Anyone else had no input. And yet, everyone acts as if the State of Iowa decided something important. So again: Did Iowa win some kind of lobby making it the designated determiner of the presidential candidate leaders? Or is Iowa (along with the rest of us) drugged every 4 years into believing its caucuses actually decide something?

So maybe a more important question is this: why does everybody make a big deal out of Iowa, especially since there are another 49 states to go? In a way, it's a lot like believing in say...well, Santa Claus?

*** ***

The only thing less interesting or informative than an alleged debate among potential Presidential candidates is a press conference with incumBENT Prezidon't Dumbya.

January 05, 2008

Huckabee's talking "vertical politics."

"Vertical." Now, that seems like a strange word to use if you're talking (as he says he is) about discussing issues and sharing information about his position's broadly.

"Vertical" means Situated at the vertex or highest point; directly overhead.

Hmm: "highest point." Isn't that, like, what/how/where fundamentalists think "god" is?

I'll bet that Josh Marshall got it right., noting that

A few other readers suggest there's some crypto-evangelical code wording going on with it too. And it seems like they're definitely on to something here. Here's one example, another and another.

[and thanks to b!X for the tip}

January 04, 2008

The snow from the bird feeders right up the the back steps was trampled by lots of hoofs when I looked out the window this morning. I'll bet the whole herd descended on the patch of yard where I throw out the bird food every morning. It's sheltered on three sides. I wonder if they spent the night here. Oh how I wish I could have seen that.

Later:
It's late at night. I hear a noise outside. I tip-toe to the kitchen window next to the switch for the outside floodlight. I pull up the blinds at the same time that I flip the switch.

Her face is right there in the window, looking right at me, blinded by the light, startled by my sudden appearance. She prances in place, not sure what to do.

I close the blinds and turn out the light.

Now I know.

January 03, 2008

they came again,
the wintering white tails --
a tableau of brown
in a wash of white

It is almost zero degrees tonight. Where do they go when it gets this cold?

Several times over the past couple of days, I startled the one young deer as she searched through the snow outside the kitchen window for what the birds left behind. She comes in late afternoon, when I'm starting to think about what to make for supper. I didn't even know she was there until I saw her jerk back and look at me through the partially closed window blinds. She seems to be the only one of the small herd who ventures close to the house to look for food. Apparently, the others have better instincts.

I have discovered that it's not good to feed the deer in winter.

I don't feed the deer. I feed the birds. But if the food is there, they all go for it. So should I not feed the birds?

It's a dilemma.

Meanwhile, the herd comes and goes across these few acres. I hope they have some shelter tonight.

January 01, 2008

So, I say to him (the sibling who is as unlike me as possible) imagine if, instead of spending money on all of these New Year’s Eve celebrations around the world, the money was put toward solving the problems of, say, world hunger and homelessness.

I should have known what his response would be, which was something like:

…what if they cut down spending for education and teachers’ salaries so that we wouldn’t be living under the threat of losing our homes if we don’t pay these outrageous school taxes…they don’t teach kids anything worthwhile anyway, just some history and lots of memorization.

First of all, I respond, that’s not all they teach kids these days. School is very different from when you went. Second of all, the kids in school today will be running this country in the future. They need to be educated so that they know what they’re doing. And kids from dysfunctional families who give their kids no guidance need that education even more so that they have alternatives to crime to support themselves. (My brother has no children and has not spent any meaningful time around any.)

Well, he says, his voice angry and belligerent, it would be a lot cheaper to give all kids computers and connect them to the internet and let them learn that way. And then they can dump all the teachers on whose salaries all of the money is wasted.

Um, I say (trying hard not to raise my voice and frighten my mother into a dementia episode) I guess you don’t know much about educational theory or practice. (I can feel my own anger rising, and I struggle to speak calmly and clearly.) Why don’t you go and spend some time in a classroom and find out what’s really going on….

He interrupts me with some additional harangue that I no longer have the patience to tolerate, so I leave quietly and go to my room, burdened by the fact that this kind of interaction is how we have spent the last two years and how we will, no doubt, spend the years until my mother’s death.

Over the past 48 hours, in an effort to keep my mother calm and functional, I have spent a more than 20 waking hours and about 20 of her sleeping hours at my mother’s beck and call. Included in my working hours was feeding her three times a day; giving her a shower; helping her in the bathroom (more times than I can count); holding her in my arms and dancing with her; setting out a week's worth of her medications and making sure she took the right ones at the right times; and listening to her endless repetition of questions, the answers to which she won’t remember. Interspersed throughout those 48 hours was time when my brother sat with her, usually sitting in front of the television, sometimes on his laptop at the same time.

I purposely took over so much caregiving time over the past two days to demonstrate to him that it’s possible to keep her calm and relatively satisfied. But it’s a lot of work.

Apparently he doesn’t care. He’d rather harangue me. This year ends with the last conversation I’ll ever try to start with him.