April 22, 2007

green teatime 1

I drink a lot of green tea, flavored and unflavored, caffeinated and non.

The following is from the side of my Celestrial Seasonings Honey Lemon Ginseng green tea box:

I have often thought the best way to define a man's character would be to seek out the particular mental or moral attitude in which, when it comes upon him, he felt himself most deeply and intensely active and alive. At such moment there is a voice inside which speaks and says: "This is the real me." -- William James

I used to have many moments like that when I was active and alive. At least I'm sure I did -- doing a racy Salsa, putting the finishing touches on a poem, sitting on the porch of a vacation rental with my women friends. But these are things I don't do anymore. That's what full-time caregiving of a demanding, narcissistic parent does: robs you of the real you.

"Deeply and instensely active and alive." I wonder if I will live long enough to be that again.

I did spend today planting flowers in between my mother's calls for attention. Mother Earth vs earth mother. No wonder I no longer hear that voice inside me.

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