October 1, 2006

the slow letting go

No, this post is not about my mother. It's about letting go of stuff. Physical stuff. My stuff.

My brother is cleaning out his basement, and I still have stuff in there left from when I moved here more than a year ago. One of the boxes held what I came to think of as my "professional portfolio," e.g. many of the articles, grant proposals, profiles, etc. etc. that I had been paid to write over the course of my professional career. I kept them in case I needed to look for another job. I never intended to spend 20 years with, and retire from, the state's Education Department.

Tonight I threw it all away. It no longer matters that one of my funded proposals was used by the National Science Foundation as a model. It no longer matters that the Chairman of the Biochemistry Department at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute sent me a note thanking me for turning my lengthy interview with him into a well-written and interesting profile. And so into the trash went everything I wrote for other people that got them what they wanted. All of that no longer matters.

What I did save was a box of stuff about my kids -- newpaper articles, writings, report cards, and, suprisingly, my son's (that's b!X) assessment report from his year at a Montessori Pre-School some thirty-three years ago. What his teacher said about him then is pretty much what those who know him would probably say about him now. Except maybe for one thing -- which might or might not still be true: "frequently bursts into song."

When my daughter and her family come to visit here in a few weeks, I will give her what I have saved about her. It's time for her to begin amassing her own box documenting her history that will get stored in her basement.

My brother tells me that I have one last box in his basement that is labelled "craft stuff." I have no idea what's in it, but I'm readying myself to let it go.

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