January 12, 2004
I remember a little boy
with a heavy brow
that framed a steady gaze.
I don’t remember where I lost him.
Maybe
it was at that fuel pump,
where I absentmindedly drove off,
only to see him, in hindsight,
running down the road after me,
crying. Both of us
crying.
Maybe
it was during that black and white
winter night, when
the only light was the moon on snow,
and I left him, alone
not knowing that the dark house
would overtake him.
Maybe
I didn’t really lose him.
Maybe
it doesn’t matter.
What matters is that
I still dream about
a little boy with a radiant brow
and a deep gaze,
who reaches and needs
and fades away.
Sometimes stories tell better when you start at the end. The poem above is at the end of a story with a series of intersecting and synchronistic threads. I wrote it yesterday at an afternoon of exercises in poetry writing at the Glass Lake Studio. I went to try to prime the pump. The assignment was to write a poem that began with "I remember..."
During the several days before that writing session, I had been researching the myth of Kerridwen (or Cerridwen), mother to Taliesin, legendary poet of ancient Wales, whose name means "radiant brow."
I found the image on one of the greeting cards in a package that my friend Joan gave me to thank me for clearning up the mystery about her newly acquired fantasy painting.
Here's the image from the card as well as a photo of a scultpure, both depicting Kerridwen and her cauldron.
The image of the scultpure is from here.
from here
Ceridwen
aka 'Cerridwen', 'Keridwen', 'Kerridwen', the 'Goddess of the Cauldron', the 'Goddess of Inspiration'.... reputed to be associated with Welsh sixth-century bard 'Taliesin' when she is described as guarding the magical cauldron, ...... giving birth to Taliesin (See Taliesin). She is associated with magic and the power of transformation. Described as a Welsh crone.......
A myth that speaks to me, certainly.
According to the web site that features the sculpture,
Cerridwen's cauldron is an ancient feminine symbol of renewal, rebirth, transformation and inexhaustible plenty . It is the primary female symbol of the pre-Christian world, and represents the womb of the Great Goddess from which all things are born and reborn again . Like the Greek Goddess, Demeter, and the Egyptian Goddess, Isis, Cerridwen was the great Celtic Goddess of inspiration, intelligence and knowledge, and was invoked as a law-giver and sage dispenser of righteous wisdom, counsel and justice. .......
The ancient cauldron of the Goddess was reinvented, by patriarchy, as the Holy Grail of Arthurian legend , and was transformed into a solar symbol, the Chalice used by Yeshua, or Jesus Christ, at the Last Supper . Very little of its mystical meaning was changed, however, and it is still, today, a symbol of enlightenment and spiritual transformation.
OK. So it's obvious why I feel an affinity for Kerridwen -- all that crone and cauldron stuff, you know.
But that's not the half of it. The other half is the story of her and her son, Taliesin. While Kerridwen did not go about the process of mothering in the most nurturing ways, in the end, Taliesin turns out even better than fine.
.....Some legends indicate that Taliesin was indeed the same character as Gwion. The transformations experienced to escape Ceridwen indicate a similar process to the believed transformation events that happened to ancient poets. Due to the effect of the Cauldron of inspiration, Gwion's ability to change form, led to him changing completely, giving him considerable knowledge about the past, present and future, and therefore able to return with the birth of a new child Taliesin.......
It has always fascinated me that, at various ponderous points in my life, I stumble upon some old myth that helps me to magically transform the ponder into wonder.
In the seventies and eighties, it was Lilith. Today, it's Kerridwen.
As I go along, I try to gather up what info I can about pre-Christian Poland, just to see if I can find myths that are based in my own heritage. What good stuff I've found has been at Okana's, somwhere in which there's mention of a strong Celtic influence on the ancient Slavs. So maybe Kerridwen is closer to my own racial memory than I thought.
Kerridwen -- crone, cauldron stirrer, dispenser of righteous wisdom; an intense mother who loves her children beyond measure but made mistakes doing what she felt she had to do; a mother whose radiantly browed son became legendary as a writer of wisdom.
No wonder I dream Kerridwen's dreams.
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Old Comments (3)
myrln on 12 Jan 2004
I know you said you were going to but if you haven't yet, you should read The DaVinci Code for a brain/eye-opening twist on goddess/grail/suppression of the feminine by the church after Christ's death. Think daVinci, Hugo, Botticelli, Disney, Mozart, King Arthur etcetc. Worth a read.
Elaine of Kalilily on 13 Jan 2004
Yes, I did read it already, along with his "Digital Fortress," and "Demons and Angels." Yup, I love all that stuff that ties current Christianity to the old ways -- myth or not.
Lindsay on 13 Jan 2004
Your poem is beautiful. The last stanza is my favorite.