August 18, 2003
I finally looked up what "meme" – a word often used by bloggers – means. According to Meme Central, Memes are contagious ideas, all competing for a share of our mind in a kind of Darwinian selection. A survival of the fittest of ideas. I certainly have seen how that applies to posts on weblogs.
Something that Gerry said in a Comment to my post about that blogger bad boy got me thinking about empathy. The Comment alludes to badly socialized geek boys on the Net and shallow "Flame Warriors" personas, and it occurred to me that these kinds of individuals don’t seem to have much capacity for empathy. So I went and looked up just what empathy means. A link from the Dictionary.com defnition brought me to this medical definition: An individual's objective and insightful awareness of the feelings and behaviour of another person. It should be distinguished from sympathy, which is usually nonobjective and noncritical. It includes caring, which is the demonstration of an awareness of and a concern for the good of others. [hold that thought]
………………………
As I sit to write this and think through where I want to go with all of this, my 87 year old mother walks into the room to complain about food getting stuck between her teeth (her gums are receding, but she insists that the dentist did something to make that happen), to try to get me to give her a pair of knit capris that I bought to exercise in, and to obsess about her toes hurting, even though she insists on wearing shoes that look good but don’t feel so.
I want to tell her to leave me alone. I’m trying to think. I’m trying to write. But I know that she’s been alone all day while I did some cleaning around my really cluttered apartment and periodically checked to see how the current conversation is going over at Burningbird's. I know that my mother is lonely and just needs someone to talk at. Talking WITH her is out of the question. She either can’t hear well or else her brain processes what others say so slowly that it’s impossible to hold an intelligent conversation with her. I take a deep breath, roll away from the keyboard. I listen. I empathize. It’s all I can do for her. But it’s often not very easy to do. I want to grumble-- or even shout: "Leave me alone. I’m trying to think. I'm trying to write. Go take a nap or watch CNN!" But I don’t.
I think it was a lot easier giving care to my kids than it is my mom.
……………………
Empathy. Caring. Yes. To continue.
It’s interesting that, earlier, I stumbled upon a psychological definition of autism on some medical site: an abnormal absorption with the self; marked by communication disorders and short attention span and inability to treat others as people.
Now, Googling for some information on badly socialized Geek boys, I find this in an article on wired.com:
The Geek Syndrome -- Autism - and its milder cousin Asperger's syndrome - is surging among the children of Silicon Valley. Are math-and-tech genes to blame. The article suggests that those who suffer from this syndrome include the most able, highly intelligent person with social impairment in its subtlest form as his only disability.
So, it’s possible, even likely, that Flame Warriors are afflicted with that Geek Syndrome – which might be actual autism, might be Asperger’s Syndrome, or might be an even milder form that manifests itself as total lack of empathy. In any case, it’s an identifiable disorder.
I can have sympathy for people with disorders that control their behaviors. I can even have some empathy for them. Having either changes the way I deal with them. I don’t want to deal with them the way I deal with regular assholes.
I don’t have much personal experience with the Geek Syndrome, being a generation or so removed from finding myself caught up in the phenomenon. My two Gen-X kids, while certainly counter-cultural, weren’t and aren’t technological Geeks. To them technology is a means for social and cultural change; codes drive them crazy and they only learn what they have to do in order to get their messages out. And their messages tend to be about empathy, peace, civil communication, and democratic activism. Well, what do you expect, given the role models they have in their parents?
So, where does this leave me?
It leaves me reminding myself to spend my time reading great posts and comments like this at the Happy Tutor’s instead of fanning flames. Unless, of course, I see an innocent getting burned. But from now on I’ll try to respond with more empathy for those with obvious disorders. And at the first chance I get, I’ll have to amend my blogroll to reflect those sites that I really do read these days.
But for now, it’s time to cook a well-balanced meal for my mom – and me, of course. (She refuses to eat out at restaurants -- all those people in the kitchens blowing their noses and not washing their hands, you know.)
Yes, I understand that sometimes, empathy is awfully hard to maintain.
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Tutor Fights to Save Rageboy's Soul - Outcome Uncertain at this Hour on 18 Aug 2003
The discussion of Flame War, and the Geneva Conventions that might govern it, continues eloquently at Burningbird and Kalililly.
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Old Comments (3)
deddette on 21 Aug 2003
thank you for this empathetic look into autism, Elaine. i am an Asperger's, although i prefer the more technical term, asparagus. actually, i like Geek Syndrome best. i am the first to admit that we are not the easiest individuals to deal with.
i once called Chris an autistic, myself. i have changed my mind about that, but i thought your post calling him one was hilarious!
++
Elaine on 21 Aug 2003
I'm just taking my cues from the RBoy himself, who seems to be having some fun analyzing the analysts.
dzwonki polifoniczne on 13 Jun 2004
Hmmmmm interesting !!!