January 5, 2003
Six of us women have been friends for more than a decade. We met in a discussion group for divorced women that I was facilitating at the time, and we eventually drifted away and formed our own little circle. We’ve been on vacations together, helped each other out during catastrophes (like when I badly broke my ankle and was in a wheelchair for 6 weeks), and try to get together monthly – sometimes to share food, sometimes just to sit around and catch up on our lives, sometimes to actually discuss a particular topic.
We’re all still single, although, over the course of these ten years, one of us has been married (again) and divorced (again), one has been living for the past three years with a man she loves, one is in a two-year relationship that has lots of ups and downs, two are not even dating at the moment, and I’ve been in and out of several relationships since our friendships began and now have opted to spend my time blogging instead. :-)
Today, we had a pot luck brunch and spent the time talking about the fact that we are all going through a time in our lives when we are no longer what we were but are not sure who we’re going to be – now that we’re all past menopause and heading out of the range of middle-age into whatever comes next. We have worked hard to support ourselves and our children; we all wish that our marriages had worked out; we all miss having that satisfying kind of life-long “growing old together” relationship with a man. While there are only two of us who are adamant feminists (the one living with her man and me), the truth is that we are all financially self-sufficient, professionally successful, sassy and smart women.
We somehow drifted into discussion of that old Fascinating Womanhood book from the 50s that urged women to (among other dutiful things) wrap themselves only in Saran Wrap and greet their husbands at the door with a drink every evening. And then we shared stories of times when we’ve done something similar – BUT it was always done out of our own choice/motivation and not out of some sense that it was our duty to amuse our husbands/lovers.
So, I come back from this great afternoon of camaraderie, silliness, supportiveness, and good food to find my mother watching Phyllis Schlafly on C-span because that idiot female is promoting her latest offensive against the Feminist Movement -- her new book, Feminist Fantasies.
I recognize that we are all entitled to our opinions. My opinion is that Schlalfly is a pampered pompous idiot who can’t have ever lived in the same world with most of us women who have to actually work for living and are not attached (by choice or circumstance) to a man. Of course, she’s a religious and political conservative. She probably also thinks that Megiddo is a great movie.
She’s enough to give me a major case of indigestion.
As I sit here writing this, the TV program American Dreams is playing out in the background, as the 50s-brainwashed-but-starting-to-wake-up Catholic wife and mother lies to her husband about going to a pot luck supper and goes instead to the movies to see Lolita.
That’s how it all started, Phyllis. That’s why we’re still ranting. All except for you, Phyllis. You still thinks it’s the 50s.
Now I’m going to watch Alias.
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Old Comments (9)
sarge on 05 Jan 2003
yes another Alias fan!
Gina Giuliano on 06 Jan 2003
Late yesterday, as Bob was flipping through the channels (it was his birthday so for once I didn't insist he choose one) for a moment or two I saw a clip of Phyllis Schafly going over a family photography with an interviewer. I was taken by surprise, too. I didn't know she was still around. From your post, now I know she must have been promoting her book.
Sort of related, and even more disturbing to me are some of the other popular TV fare, for example "The Bachelor" and similar shows. Whether they are "real" or contrived, I always wonder (sometimes aloud) who is watching such shows, (and then I'm shocked to discover that among the viewers are people I know and respect). Sigh.
Emma on 06 Jan 2003
Gina,
I once asked somebody I really liked and respected why she watched it and she said it was like watching a slow-motion train wreck...It fascinates and horrifies at the same time.
Elaine on 06 Jan 2003
Yes, I've heard people who watch those programs say the same kind of thing. To me those programs just seem like such a waste of everyone's time. Reality TV?! They're hardly that. I'd rather watch a well-acted fictional mystery.
And yes, shows like the Bachelor etc. continue to push those old notions of affluent man as some sort of prize for which women compete with each other -- with Victoria Secret as the standard by which men judge the winner. I don't see things changing for the more human any time soon. Very discouraging.
sue on 10 Jan 2003
I find it hard to believe that old Phil is stil around, welding her rol of saran wrap. I wonder if her audience is any larger then it was is the '70s.
Sometinmes, from what I read,( America becoming so very conservative, or so the press leads one to believe) I almost must imagine that it is.
teenagetiger on 21 May 2003
As a teenager these days growing up, I see a lot of parents with the attitude you guys have. guess what? it stinks! As a teenager, I would like to say that this relaxed era that we are in now is what is tearing our world apart. do you know how many people are hurt over one divorce? you dont have to be religeous or a saint to feel this way either. thank you.
elysia on 25 Jun 2003
>
Dear Teenatiger,
Feminism isn't about 'relaxed' anything. It's about women having opportunities: the opportunity to make a living wage, to have a voice, whatever.
Please, don't confuse feminism with fast & loose morals or whatever Ms.Schafly and Rush Limbaugh and their ilk would have you believe. Many of us are happily married, happily monogamous folks---and surprisingly, some of us don't think 'quick 'n' easy' divorce is a good thing-- (yet, I certainly don't think anyone, male or female should stay in a loveless relationship--then again, I don't think folks should just procreate willy-nilly, either, but I digress...). I'm sorry that you have possibly (by the tone of your note) been hurt by divorce, but is feminism the reason? Why blame an ideology? And I hope that you won't try to romanticize an era you didn't live through---I beg you, don't let media whores with an agenda or offerings on Nick-at-Nite give you the impression that everything was just dandy "back in the day". My best to you.
Christina on 08 Nov 2005
It's getting so that it's not even worth arguing anymore. People are coming from such completely different perspectives...I feel as though anything I say to a feminist about my feelings as to how feminism has damaged our country would be immediately refuted without consideration. It's a little insulting when certain parties or political figures use words like "conservative" and "religious" as synonymous with "idiots". That's the kind of arrogance that loses elections.
Elaine of Kalilily on 08 Nov 2005
Dear Christina --
The young women of today have the opportunities for career advancement now because of the war that the feminists waged against the male dominated system thirty or so years ago -- before someone like was was even born, I'll wager.
Idiots come in all ideologies. Phyllis happens to be one of the more dangerous conservative and religious ones.
Learn from history and don't repeat the mistakes of the past (and present) that will take this country into a new dark age of racial, gender, and economic ghettos.
That's where we're going, girl, where if you're white and affluent, you'll do just fine. And if your a female, well, have you read the "Handmaid's Tale?"