September 29, 2002
Anita Bora comments in one of my previous posts that it seems as though I'm having more fun that she is. Well, there’s fun, and then there’s fun.
Yesterday, I drove out to the new home that a long-time friend and her husband just finished building (in small town not too far from me) as their retirement dream home. And then she and I drove out to Rhode Island for an annual bead show (she makes jewelry) and to visit her daughter. Then we drove up to the Boston area to stop in and see my grandson etc.
Here’s the point: I would trade my fun Salsa dancing in a heartbeat for the kind of life she has. It’s not that her life is perfect; I’ve known both her and her husband since college, and I know for a fact that they have had their rough times. I remember a couple of nights in the mid-eighties when (married and upset with her husband) she slept on my couch. But they worked it out. Now they travel together, garden together, enjoy finishing and decorating their new home, and have a great time with their grandchildren.
At one point in our lives, when I was married as well, we lived in the same town. We would barter our craft creations; I passed my daughter’s clothes along to her younger daughters. She was the friend with whom I saw my first porn movie the weekend that we left our husbands with our kids and went up to Cape Ann for a “girls’ weekend away.” Now we do some craft fairs together, commiserate about our relationships with our mothers and our daughters, and have lunch every once in a while.
In most everyday ways, though, our lives have little in common. Living single is much different than living married.
The life I lead these days is not the life I would have preferred. But, given the choices I had, it’s the life I chose. And within this life I chose, I try to find ways to have fun, feel vital, have a social life, and feel good about myself. It takes a great deal of effort to counter frequent feelings of isolation with activities that give me some sense of connection, that give me reasons to reach out into the rest of the world. And so I go out and dance -- ballroom, swing, latin -- because I do it well and I enjoy it.
But I would rather be in a comfortable and comforting relationship with a man with whom I can make a home, garden, travel, cuddle, and laugh; I would rather live near my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson so that we could do things together. Doing a hot sexy Salsa that draws admiring looks is fun. There’s fun, and then there’s something more.
BTW, while in Providence RI, I called Blog Sister Sheila Lennon a couple of times, but I wasn’t able to get her on the phone. It would have been fun to meet in person. Maybe next year.
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