Some women take to mothering naturally. I had to work at it. And so I wasn't the best mother in the world. I would have worked outside the home whether I had been a single mom or not. But because I was, mine were latchkey kids, with my daughter, beginning at age 12, taking care of her younger brother, age 5, after school. I left them some evenings to go out on dates. Oh, I did cook them healthy meals, and even cookies sometimes. I made their Halloween costumes and went to all parent events at their schools. My daughter took ballet lessons, belonged to 4H (but I got kicked out as Assistant Leader because I wouldn't salute the flag during the Vietnam War) . I made my son a Dr. Who scarf and took him to Dr. Who fan events. I bought him lots of comic books and taught him how to throw a ball. But most of all, I think/hope I did for them what my mother was never able to do for me, -- give them the freedom to become who they wanted to be -- to explore, make mistakes, and search for their bliss. I think/hope that I always let them know that, as far as I was concerned, they were OK just the way they were/are. (Me and that dear now dead Mr. Rogers.) Not having had that affirmation from my mother still affects my relationship with her. I hope that my doing that right for them neutralizes all the wrong things I did as they were growing up.

So, you two (now adult) kids, here's to you both. You keep me young, you keep me informed, you keep me honest, and, in many ways, you keep me vital. I'm so glad that I'm your mother.

So, in memory of those not-always-good ol' days that you two managed to survive with flying colors, here you are, playing "air guitar and drums" -- enjoying each other's company sometime in the 70s and bringing so much joy into my life.

Today, a new movement beyond the window caught my eye. It was a huge wild turkey hen brazenly invading the territory of the usual suspects. And, with might making right, she pretty much grazed wherever she pleased, temporarily displacing the smaller creatures.

If she comes back, it must mean she has her nest nearby. Wild turkeys build their nests on the ground in wooded areas. Perhaps she will return with her brood.

At this rate, I'm going to have to increase my bird food budget. All birds, great and small, are welcome here.

b!x has been all over online trying to find this Bailey's hat in a size large. He wants to wear it to his Dad's memorial celebration on May 25, which means he needs to get one by May 21, before he gets on a plane to come east for the event. (His Dad passed away on April 10.) There are none available online by the deadline.

Here's the challenge. If there's a men's hat store anywhere near you, dear reader, could you call them and see if they have that hat, which is a black "Johnny" braided (straw) porkpie from Bailey (item # 81680), size large.

If they have the hat, please leave a comment here letting me know how b!X or I can get in touch with you and arrange to have to hat bought and sent to him.

Again, there's no way to get it on time online, so b!X is hoping someone out there will make a miracle and find him one that he can get on his head by May 21. (It's a son-father thing.)

THIS IS A HAT EMERGENCY!

Well, why not.

From a scrap of paper on his desk -- quickly hand-scrawled, a stray thought, bit of story, strand of memory:

Dinner table – metal goblets

These goblets belonged to my mother. Asked us to drink a toast from them because had she lived she would have been 89 years tomorrow. She was 23 when she had me, and had only 4 more years left to live. There are 4 generations sitting here today. I ask you, in her memory, to remember to make the most always of the time you have with those you love and who love you. So, Mamma, here’s to you…salut…by remembering you, we remember ourselves.

salut

See www.myrln.com for information about the remembrance party being held in his honor on May 25, as well as plans for publishing his non-published works.

In acknowledgment of the occasion, I quote here from my favorite scientist/atheist's weblog, Pharyngula.

I can scarcely believe my country is officially pandering to such willful stupidity — elevating evangelical kooks to positions of prestige, trumpeting the virtues of sectarian religion, and actually crediting the successes of America to the fact that a subset of deluded, demented fools sit on their asses and beg an invisible man to protect us and help us kill people in foreign countries. What a waste, and what an encouragement of further waste.

I feel like just declaring this the official National Day of Derangement and writing it all off, maybe spit in the soup of people who say grace, or flip off any group I catch trying to do a collective exercise in ritual invocation of nonexistent beings, but the Minnesota Atheists have a more productive idea: they are calling this a National Day of Reason and are setting up to demonstrate in the Minnesota capitol in St Paul today. They actually have a prime position, and all the legislators leaving their workplace to join in the National Day of Inanity will have to troop by them. In my dreams, these politicians would feel a little sense of shame at the foolishness of the official events, but in reality, I'm sure they won't.>]]> http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/05/02/002726.html http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/05/02/002726.html non-belief Fri, 02 May 2008 00:27:26 -0500 Now, I usually don't have much good to say about big rigs. Out on the interstates, they slow me down going upgrade and whoosh by me going downgrade, while I have my cruise control set to the ultimate speed that won't get me a ticket.

But I've gotta love those truckers who are banding together in a Fuel Protest that has import for all of us.

According to here (which is worth reading in its entirety):

The truckers who organized the protests – by CB radio and internet – have a specific goal: reducing the price of diesel fuel. They are owner-operators, meaning they are also businesspeople, and they can’t break even with current fuel costs. They want the government to release its fuel reserves. They want an investigation into oil company profits and government subsidies of the oil companies. Of the drivers I talked to, all were acutely aware that the government had found, in the course of a weekend, $30 billion to bail out Bear Stearns, while their own businesses are in a tailspin.

[snip]

But the larger message of the truckers’ protest is about pride or, more humbly put, self-respect, which these men channel from their roots. Dan Little tells me, “My granddad said, and he was the smartest man I ever knew, ‘If you don’t stand up for yourself ain’t nobody gonna stand up for you.’” Go to theamericandriver.com, run by JB and his brother in Texas, where you’re greeted by a giant American flag, and you’ll find – among the driving tips, weather info, and drivers’ favorite photos –the entire Constitution and Declaration of Independence. “The last time we faced something as impacting on us,” JB tells me, “There was a revolution.”

Today, on the west coast

Cranes and forklifts stood still from Seattle to San Diego, and ships were stalled at sea as workers held rallies up and down the coast to blame the war for distracting public attention and money from domestic needs like health care and education.

“We’re loyal to America, and we won’t stand by while our country, our troops and our economy are being destroyed by a war that’s bankrupting us to the tune of $3 trillion,” the president of the International Longshore and Warehouse Union, Bob McEllrath, said in a written statement. “It’s time to stand up, and we’re doing our part today.

Truckers joined the protests by refusing to cross the picket lines.

Also today, there was supposed to be a truckers' protest convoy in New York City, but

Mike (JB) Schaffner, of www.theamericandriver.com, today announced that New York City has effectively canceled the convoy in Manhattan scheduled for May 1, 2008.

Spokesman Mike (JB) Schaffner said he was disappointed. “We were set to perform a peaceful demonstration to point out the frustration that working class America is feeling,” he said. “First they approved us. Then they changed our permits for no more than 35 vehicles in the convoy. Now they’ve placed so many unreasonable conditions on the event that it makes it nearly impossible. We’re asking the government of the great state of New York to address this, and the reasons why our freedoms to speak and peacefully assemble are being crushed.”

Brian Osborne, owner of B L Osborne Transport, said, “they’ve effectively shut us down all together.”

The trucker convoy that went to Washington on April 28 was more successful, and writer Barbara Ehrenreich chronicles her experience joining the protest on her blog (again, worth reading in its entirety):

We are to park the trucks at the RFK Stadium and walk from there to the Capitol, giving us about a half an hour to mill around on foot in the parking lot first. There’s a bobtail with “Truckin for Jesus” painted on it and, under that, “Truckers and Citizens United.” There are Operation Desert Freedom caps and a POW/MIA flag, as well signs indicting oil companies and “Wall Street speculators.” I chat with members of the mostly African-American contingent of DC dump truck drivers and with Belinda Raymond, a trucker’s wife from Maine, who tells me that people in her area raised $9000 to send a convoy of trucks down here, with the Knights of Columbus accounting for $2500 of that. Whole families have come, and I see a boy carrying a sign saying “What about My Future?” A smartly dressed woman from New Jersey carries a sign asking, “Got Milk? Not Without a Truck.”

Let's face it. If all truckers went on strike, the economy of this country would grind to a halt as well. Once upon a time, Americans who weren't going to take it any more dumped a bunch of tea into Boston Harbor.

And the Revolution began.

HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK! HONK!

]]> http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/05/01/233233.html http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/05/01/233233.html economy Thu, 01 May 2008 23:32:33 -0500 I've been thinking about my life's soundtrack -- the songs that have played in the background as I lived through various eras in my life so far. My still new car still has it's free trial satellite radio connection, and I find that the only station I really listen to is the 1950s one. With each song, my being remembers the feeling of when I heard it played all those decades ago. I don't necessarily remember events; I remember feelings. That's the magic of music.

I have discovered that many of the songs from subsequent decades that I still like to listen to are the ones written by Leonard Cohen. Not sung by him, but written -- or co-written -- by him. They seem to generate the most visceral emotional response.

I'm thinking particularly of the songs on Jennifer Warnes' Famous Blue Raincoat all-Leonard-Cohen-album, which was a gift from Myrln.

Simon and Garfunkel were major players in my 60s and 70s head -- poignant and soulful and melancholy: "Cloudy," "Bookends," "Patterns," "America."

And Don McClean with his "And I Love You So" and "Winterwood" and "Vincent."

Judy Collins singing "Suzanne" and"Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye" and "Sisters of Mercy" ..... -- music that took me through bittersweet 70s.

Over the past decade or so, especially those years taking care of my mother, I haven't been listening to much music. There is no stereo in her rooms, and I spend a great deal of my time there with her, watching television.

Occasionally, in my own space, I listen to Josh Groban. "Vincent," again.

I'm finally starting to download songs into my MP3 player, but it's not any new music that I want to listen to. I want to hear the old songs, the ones that bring me to remembering when I had a real life.

]]> http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/04/29/101147.html http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/04/29/101147.html music Tue, 29 Apr 2008 10:11:47 -0500 Myrln is gone, but his spirit remains with us in the power of his words:

Fathers and Daughters

Little girls are nice,
but we do them wrong
fussing with their hair and dressing them up
like dolls –
teaching them from the start
they are decorative playthings.

Better we should feed them
words and numbers and tools
to remind them
that before women, they are people.

Teach them love and caring and nurture, yes,
but not as the entirety of their being,
else those qualities
become walls and prisons.

Give them, as well, wings
and teach them to fly –
in case later in life
someone builds walls around them.

Little girls are nice,
but daughters who are their soaring selves
are better.

Fathers and Sons

All the time they’re growing up,
sons try hard to please their fathers.
They play ball, follow dad’s interest in cars,
or in building things,
or in fishing –
whatever it is that pleases dad.
Mostly learning how to be a man.

If they’re lucky,
they’re not required to embrace any of those
for a lifetime.
If they’re lucky,
somewhere along the way,
they’re let loose
to strike out after their own interests
and to please themselves.

And fathers,
if they’re smart,
realize that somewhere along the way
is a turning point:
a time when sons become teachers,
and fathers can learn
what their sons became on their own,
how manhood is not a fixed concept.
And say to their sons,
“Good job.”

Then both will know
they did right
in pleasing each other.

William A. Frankonis, 1937 - 2008

]]> http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/04/28/124049.html http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/04/28/124049.html guest blogger Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:40:49 -0500 From here:

I do, however, wonder why so many people experiencing melancholia are now taking pills simply to ease the pain. Of course there is a fine line between what I'm calling melancholia and what society calls depression. In my mind, what separates the two is degree of activity. Both forms are more or less chronic sadness that leads to continuing unease with how things are — persistent feelings that the world is not quite right, that it is a place of suffering, stupidity, and evil. Depression (as I see it, at least) causes apathy in the face of this unease, lethargy approaching total paralysis, an inability to feel much of anything one way or another. In contrast, melancholia generates a deep feeling in regard to this same anxiety, a turbulence of heart that results in an active questioning of the status quo, a perpetual longing to create new ways of being and seeing.

[snip]

Melancholia, far from a mere disease or weakness of will, is an almost miraculous invitation to transcend the banal status quo and imagine the untapped possibilities for existence. Without melancholia, the earth would likely freeze over into a fixed state, as predictable as metal. Only with the help of constant sorrow can this dying world be changed, enlivened, pushed to the new.

Poets are friends with melancholy. All artists are. Probably scientists as well.

]]> http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/04/27/001955.html http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/04/27/001955.html creativity Sun, 27 Apr 2008 00:19:55 -0500 It's hard to stop feeling melancholy, remembering and then recognizing that what's gone is gone for good.

I play Mary Chapin Carpenter's album with which blogger friend Dave Rogers kindly gifted me through ITunes. It's melancholy resonates with mine and fills me. And then the melancholy is gone, at least for now. I can think of something else besides what's lost.

I can think of something like the elections.

I've had mixed feelings about Hillary Clinton for the same reasons that many others do. But I'm slowly becoming more and more convinced that she's the better democratic candidate.

I was particularly interested in the points made in the Washington Post by Geoff Garin, strategist on the Clinton campaign.

So let me get this straight.

On the one hand, it's perfectly decent for Obama to argue that only he has the virtue to bring change to Washington and that Clinton lacks the character and the commitment to do so. On the other hand, we are somehow hitting below the belt when we say that Clinton is the candidate best able to withstand the pressures of the presidency and do what's right for the American people, while leaving the decisions about Obama's preparedness to the voters.

Who made up those rules? And who would ever think they are fair?

[snip]

The bottom line is that one campaign really has engaged in a mean-spirited, unfair character attack on the other candidate -- but it has been Obama's campaign, not ours. You would be hard-pressed to find significant analogues from our candidate, our senior campaign officials or our advertising to the direct personal statements that the Obama campaign has made about Clinton.

The problem is that the Obama campaign holds itself to a different standard than the one to which it holds us -- and sometimes the media do, too.

There are no saints in politics. But there are those who can get the job of fixing this country done more effectively than others.

I originally supported John Edwards. Hillary Clinton is my next choice.

]]> http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/04/26/223226.html http://www.kalilily.net/weblog/08/04/26/223226.html politics Sat, 26 Apr 2008 22:32:26 -0500