from the White House

The following post is by MYRLN, a non-blogger who is Kalilily’s guest writer every Monday.
FROM THE WHITE HOUSE
Dear Sir or Mr. Myrln S. Orcerer (whichever you prefer):
Your letter of Aug. 13 was received. Even tho I was on vacation (which means not at work, ha-ha), it was read to me by one of my aides. I was very upset by it cuz he doesn’t usually laugh when reading to me. But with your letter, he got the real hee-haws until it felt like he was laughing at me which is not proper for someone of my high office. By which I don’t mean elevation but importance. For I am important , as many people who want something from me keep telling me. Anyway, I referred that former aide over to Dick Cheney for what we call some remedial reading. If that don’t work, we’ll just have to write him off (the aide, I mean) as a lemon. Haw-haw. That’d make him a lemon-aide. Get it?
So now I’m doing this letter myself which will be a surprise to my other aides who think I don’t know how to typh…I mean, type. Maybe I won’t need so many aides in the future. Right now, I got a band of them. Haw-haw. That’s band-aides. Get it?
Anyway, your letter said I got us in a war and don’t know how to get out of it. Yeah, I do. I got a plan. Only it’s secret cuz if it wasn’t then them terrorists would know and then attack us on all sortsa fronts. And probly a couple of rears, too. Haw-haw. Get it? Rears? And there’s some folks like you that say cuz I fibbed a bit to get us into the war, how can anybody believe what I say now. Well shoot (no, Dick, I didn’t mean you. Haw-haw. Get it?), didn’t you guys ever hear of the 12-step program for liars? I’m working on it. I only got 11 lies to go. Jeez, give me a break. Anyway, someday the ‘Raqis will come and thank me on their knees and I’ll join them and we’ll all say a prayer together or maybe sing some nice big hymn like one of them I learnt in church. You wait and see.
So, that’s all I got to say, Mr. Orcerer. (Cheney says you’re really some kinda magician cuz S. Orcerer in your name says so. I say, yeah sure, like if my name was Tush Bush I’d be some kinda…oh…uh…never mind. Forget that one.)
Sincerely,
Gorge W. Bush
Precedent of the United Stakes (damned typewriter)
(the ‘Merican ones) (Stakes, not the typewr…oh never mind)